Archive for April 29th, 2008

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Letters to Some Nuts

April 29, 2008

Dear Philly Phans -

Please stop booing “O Canada.” Don’t take your dislike for one hockey team out on an entire nation.

Thanks,

SOTC

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Dear Montreal Fans -

Please don’t boo the Star Spangled Banner. You’re better than that.

Thanks,

SOTC

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Dear PJ Stock -

Keep up your wonderfully goofy analysis. You play the role of wacky antagonist so much better than Mr. Donald S. Cherry.

Thanks,

SOTC

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Dear Derian Hatcher -

What the fuck were you thinking last night when you shoved a guy from behind face first into the glass? You were damn lucky that Montreal managed to not score three goals on the five minute power-play that you so charitably gave them. Two is bad enough, but three probably would have gotten you killed by the fans.

Don’t ever fucking do it again. Please don’t take this as a sign that I’m rooting for your team. I’m rooting for hockey, and asshole plays like that make hockey look bad.

SOTC

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Dear Zach Parise -

Please try not to lord that “A” on your Team USA sweater over Stafford and Martin’s heads. They’re bigger than you and probably could stuff you in a garbage can, refrigerator or other close quartered area very easily. Not to mention that Stafford probably has an incriminating photo or two of you somewheres.

Keep that in mind, and enjoy the World Championships.

Regards,

SOTC

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Dear Ryan Miller -

Update your fucking blog already. Inquiring minds want to know who the Sabres backup backup goalie is and whether or not you or the guys want to throttle Bucky Gleason.

The end.

SOTC

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