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A Competely Unscientific Playoff Prediction Post

April 13, 2009

Warning, this post contains predictions based on little to no use of statbits, and very high use of tra-la-la feelingbits. You’ve been warned.

Montreal vs. Boston – I have to go with the Bruins in this one. The Habs were just too much of a hot mess towards the end of the season. I think the Hockey Gods also are still taking out their retribution on the Habs for their fans flipping cars and rioting after a first round series victory awhile back. The Bruins also have solid consistent goaltending from Tim Tom, but if he gets hurt, the Bruins could be in a world of hurt, especially since Manny Fernandez played like hot buttered ass the other night.

Rangers vs. Caps – As much as the Ovie tongue bathing kills me, I have to pick the Caps in this series. I could not stand it if Chris Drury and Sean Avery move further along in the playoffs. Drury, for obvious reasons, of course. And as much as he is a good hockey player, Sean Avery didn’t invent the game and often times gets in his own way. Also, the Caps have a strong supporting cast behind Ovie with Semin, Fedorov and especially Green bringing up the rear on D.

Devils vs. Canes – I hopped aboard the Devils bandwagon, and while some are deserting like rats on a sinking ship, I’m hanging on for dear life. It’s going to be a long brutal series, but Zach Parise and Marty Brodeur will kick Rod Brind’Amour and Cam Ward’s asses. (Provided that Scott Clemmensen’s Brodeur voodoo doll doesn’t magically start working, of course.)

Phylers vs. Penguins -I have to pick the Penguins in this one. The Penguins have done phenominally well since Therrien was fired. They have massive scoring potential with Sid, Geno, Staal and the rest of the cast of characters. While the Phlyers may play more of a physical style suited for these early playoff rounds, they have Danny Briere on their team. That automatically disqualifies them from winning a series, in my opinion.

Author’s note: You may wonder why I am so anti-Briere and Drury. It’s just my little counter-rebellion to those people who insist that Briere and Drury were the be all and end all of Sabres hockey. While they were two key cogs in the Sabres machine, there were other cogs that were just as important that weren’t replaced or were replaced with a remanufactured model.

Ducks vs. Sharks – While I think the Sharks are going to take this series, it probably will be a brutal one since Chris Pronger’s involved. The dude hasn’t stomped on or brutally slashed anyone in awhile, so we’re due. But at least the Ducks have some pleasant players to balance out the Pronger. They hav’e the wonderfully balding Ryan Getzlaf, Drew Miller (the Jan Brady of the Miller family – “it’s always Ryan, Ryan, Ryan!”), and Scott Niedermayer of the fierce playoff beard.

Columbus vs. Detroit – I’m rooting hard for Columbus in this one. How can you not? This is the first time in their franchise’s history that they have made the playoffs, and they did so in the season immediately after their beloved owner passed away. In addition, they’re riding a hot rookie goaltender and they have a solid star player in Rick Nash. Hopefully, a playoff series win will get Nash a better dining companion than Oscar the Grouch.

Vancouver vs. St. Louis – As much as I adore Jay McKee, I think that the Canucks will have their way with the Blues. The Canucks have a solid goalie in Luongo, and their own version of the Swedish mafia, with the Sedins, Sundin, and Mattias Ohlund.

- Calgary vs. Chicago – Go Blackhawks! I think rooting against Patrick Kane means that I have to turn in my Buffalo residency card. In addition, I still like watching Campbell play. Unlike Briere and Drury, he hasn’t been mentioned in every article about why the Sabres now suck, so my tolerance quotient is significantly higher for Soupy. Of course, the first time he tries a spin-o-rama and gets knocked into next week by Phaneuf or Sarich, all bets are off. Chicago has also seen a rebirth of hockey within their city, so they do deserve to at least see the Blackhawks win a series.

And finally,

- Versus vs. CBC – CBC, of course. While CBC broadcasts usually look like they’re being transmitted from an ice rink deep in rural Soviet Russia, they know hockey. And they have Don Cherry to bring the crazy. Don Cherry trumps Jonesey and Engblom any day. And having CBC guarantees that I see at least one more playoff series than what Versus is providing. If Time Warner ever added TSN, I’d be in hockey heaven.

- Also, what in the blue dilly heck in the NHL trying to do with their NYC TweetUp? It’s a cool idea and it will be neat to see how many people show up. And it also shows that the league is continuing to embrace this newfangled thing called “social media.” [/sarcasm] However, some of the details are a little amusing. Free food from Mickey D’s? An autographed copy of Youngblood as a door prize? Oy.

2 comments

  1. Drew Miller (the Jan Brady of the Miller family – “it’s always Ryan, Ryan, Ryan!”)

    lmao


  2. Hey, pretty decent unscientific predictions. I am a former TO resident leaving deep behind enemy lines (in Connecticut) – the thing for me is – if I had no Versus I would be screwed for hockey viewing. Lucky for me, there is Versus, NESN, and (although I shudder to admit this), MSG. The Versus crew and NESN do a great job. Watching MSG, regardless of your Ranger leanings, is downright painfull. Get some emotion in there guys – how about a Holy Mackinaw! once in a while!!

    The Leafs are already at the golf course – so here goes my predictions:
    second round winners
    Detroit
    Vancouver
    Boston
    Pittsburgh

    that brings us to Vancouver beating Detroit, and Pittsburgh beating Boston!
    (guess you find that a stretch!)

    So that in the end, Sidney Crosby and the Pens win over the Canucks in seven games!

    haha
    Sheen



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