Flies on the WallMay 24, 2010
There’s been some recent implications by some members of the mass media that Tim Connolly is currently an issue in the locker room. Some writers (coughSullycough) have stated that several of Timmy’s teammates are disenchanted with Timmy’s play. Mike Harrington even implied as much on Twitter this afternoon. We here at Shots off the Crossbar accessed our super secret spycams to be a fly on the wall in the Sabres locker room to get to the bottom of this situation.
Timmy: “‘Sup, dogs.”
Timmy: “What did I do?”
Millsy: “Nothing. That’s the problem.” [goes back to taping something or other]
Timmy: “You have to understand. It’s difficult being me.”
Goose: “It’s difficult being all of us. We’re a team. We win together. We lose together. That’s how it goes. You’re dragging us down. We can’t even listen to the honking radio without being accosted by your dreckitude.”
Timmy: “That’s fine. Thank you for bringing that to my attention, here. In private.”
Vanek: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Timmy: “Somehow, the distinguished members of the fourth estate know that you all are pissed at me.”
Pommers: “The fourth estate?”
Timmy: “The press.”
Pommers: “Oh. I thought you might have bought another house.”
Timmy: “Oy” [rubs a hand sheepishly over his forehead and cheek]. “Still, whenever you guys are bitching at me, there’s no media in the room. Where the hell are they getting this [profanity redacted] from?”
Timmy’s rant is interrupted by the sound of small thwacks coming from the players lounge. Our intrepid Timmy goes to investigate and it’s revealed that Sabretooth is throwing darts at a picture of Timmy nailed to a dartboard. The picture appears to be well pockmarked, so it’s fairly obvious that the cat has been at it for awhile.
Timmy: “The damn cat is ratting me out?! I want to talk to someone in power!” and stomps away.
* Yo. In case you didn’t realize it, this was satire. No super secret spycams are in the Sabres locker room.