Archive for the ‘Tyler Myers’ Category

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They Shouldn’t Give Up Their Day Job

December 8, 2011

So while perusing the internets, I stumbled across two of the newest commercials from the fine folks at Dave & Adams Card World.

Sad Pommers and Sad Tyler are just too much. Also, a jpg of players holding a “sale” sign should be included with every single Darcy Regier trade proposal. How could a GM say no to a hockey player holding a for sale sign?

This one is just noteworthy because of Pominville’s barely restrained laughter and Myers exuberance at having a whole two lines to say.

This is what the Sabres have driven me to; critiquing their commercials.

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Dear Sabres – Game 2 Edition

April 16, 2011

Dear Sabres,

Stop taking stupid penalties. I mean it. It is easier to play hockey with five skaters, not four. You had six penalties in the second period alone. When you take penalties, you keep your scorers off the ice. As much as I adore a good penalty kill, I do not adore having six penalty kill attempts in one period. Please keep that in mind on Monday.

Frustratingly yours,

- Shots Off the Crossbar

*~*~*~*

Dear Goose,

Your straight arm of Danny Briere in the first period was a thing of beauty. You became the talk of Twitter and I’m pretty sure you made Buffalo smile. Your ass kicking of Hartnall also was admirable. You beat the snot spewing grin right off his face. And you didn’t break your hand on his hard head. Kudos to that.

Honkingly honky honk,

- Shots Off the Crossbar

*~*~*~*

Dear Nathan Gerbe,

Outstanding work in body-slamming Claude Giroux. Way to show him that just because you are fun-sized doesn’t mean you’re a pushover.

Your fellow height-challenged person,

-Shots Off the Crossbar

*~*~*~*

Dear Andrej Sekera,

I was quite worried about you when Mike Richards came and poked you in the face while you were writhing on the ice in what appeared to be “man pain.” He broke all rules of good sportmanship by doing so. But I should expect nothing less from a Flyer.

Way to suck it up and come back on the ice.

Respectfully yours,

Shots Off the Crossbar

*~*~*~*

Dear Crunchy,

What. The. Hell? Was tonight’s game needed to average out your outstanding performance in Game 1? While I will admit that you did have some great saves tonight, there were quite a few moments when I wondered what was going through your head. I’m also surprised that Lindy didn’t park your rump on the bench for the third period. Not only would a benching have sparked the team, but also prevented you from getting killed by an overzealous Flyer.You did take quite a few checks, whacks and smacks tonight.

On the plus side, I did enjoy your yammering at Mike Richards after he poked at a wounded Sekera. I’m sure you had a pithy, witty and well-though out retort to his actions. I would expect nothing less from you.

Get some sleep and come back strong for Game 3.

Respectfully yours,

Shots Off the Crossbar

*~*~*~*

Dear Tyler Myers,

Stop pushing players into your goalie! It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and 99% of the time, it will be your goalie that gets hurt. Do we understand each other? Good.

Thanks,

Shots Off the Crossbar

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Dear Internet Gods,

Please take pity on the poor reporters and let them have at least one game with a dependable internet connection. I know that asking for constant connectivity is a wild and crazy request, but the role of the reporter in the 21st century requires the use of the internet. I missed reading Sabres Edge this game and want it back for Game 3.

Sincerely,

Shots Off the Crossbar

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“I’m Not Into Whimsy”

November 15, 2010

Tonight’s blog title courtesy of everyone’s favorite cranky curmudgeon, Mike Robitaille.

- Ryan Kesler, honey, we need to have a little chat. I know you’re on my fantasy hockey team, and you wanted to remind me of your presence on the ice tonight, but no need to give me a shoutout by bouncing your head off the crossbar. That is not a Shots Off the Crossbar approved shoutout. I don’t care that you appear to have no problem posing in just your underpants,  just please don’t bounce your head off the crossbar again. (There’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.)

- The crowd seemed much noisier tonight than in previous games. Was it a mix of loud Canadian fans? The value ticket pricing? An energized crowd with a team that’s actually playing  like it gives a hoot? Who knows, but it’s good to be able to clearly hear the crowd in the background behind RJ & Harry. Too many times this year, HSBC has been as quiet as a tomb.

- If I were Mrs. Vanek, I’d be dangerously close to injuring Rob Ray due to tonight’s broadcast. How many comments did Ray make about her husband getting a good night sleep now that the twins arrived? Hardyhar. I know Ray has kids, so he can joke about it from a place of experience, but the woman just evacuated two tiny humans from her body and has a toddler at home. Let her and her hubby enjoy the moment before you start snarking at them. And on a related note, I love the names the Vaneks chose for their children. They’re common, but unique at the same time, if that makes any sense. There’s not a lot of kids named Luka or Kade running around on the playground these days.

- With that game winning goal, Tyler Myers officially redeems himself for all of the times he fell down earlier this season and caused opposition goals. His winning goal was just a thing of beauty, and I’m sure some poor Canuck is going to hear all about how you can’t not cover the big 6’7 guy in the middle of the ice. What a great ending to an exciting overtime period. Both teams had great chances until Tyler stepped up and said eff this and ended the game.

- During the postgame celebration, did anyone else notice Lalime jumping up and down, like he was engaging in his own version of a potty dance?

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First Home Game and First Blog of the Season

October 9, 2010

So after being under the weather for yesterday’s Sabres/Sens game (nasty, nasty sinus headache that knocked me on my arse for most of the day), I decided to save game blogging for today, when I am slightly more coherent.

- After Katebits and Heather B’s discussion regarding the use of “Climb Every Mountain” as the new Sabres goal song, I have another idea that might be just as bizarre (and with a very high annoyance potential as well). Why not use Maxwell the Geico Pig’s WHEEEEE! as the post-goal celebration? I’m sure we’d all be volunteering to stab ourselves in the eardrums after 41 games of it, but for a game or two, it would be pretty cool.

- Moving on to another YouTube find, I’ve fallen in love with this Sesame Street parody of the Old Spice commercials. I think it’s the “moo” at the end that makes it art. Kudos to Sesame Street for stepping up and making a nice parody.

- While driving in to the office on Thursday, I caught most of Tyler Myers interview with Janet and Nick on Kiss. I commend Tyler for not giving in to Janet’s whining and hopping into the heart shaped hot tub in the studio for a photo op. If I had to make a bet, I’m sure Mike Gilbert was probably in the background emphatically shaking his head “no” as Janet was making her request.

Myers also discussed his current living situation. Right now, the two Tylers are currently rooming together, but Ennis constantly needs to be reminded to turn the lights off as they leave Chez Tyler. Myers grandparents will also be attending the first four home games, and Janet & Nick made sure to remind Myers to pick up a copy of Thursday’s paper so that she could have a copy of the Sabres preview section with the very nice write up about her grandson.

- Roby looks fantastic! Good to see him back on the broadcast tonight! I’ve missed his snarky battles with Rob Ray.

- My office is having a Halloween costume contest. I’m debating whether to dress up, and if I do, would a puckbunny outfit be made into something office appropriate? I was thinking that a jersey, leggings, short skirt and uggs would do the job nicely, with a sign saying “smile for me [Player Name].” I would go with “meet me behind the zamboni, [Player Name],” but that’s not office appropriate.

- The pregame video looks nice, and someone clearly spent a lot of time integrating hockey and pop culture for each era, but why was the broadcast not given a copy of the video so the fans at home could watch it without the sound & picture being filtered through an arena camera? That’s all sorts of cheesy.

- During player introductions, Chris Butler has a look on his face that could best be labeled as “Sabretooth ran over my dog in the lobby.” I love that the biggest rounds of applause were for Myers, Miller and Lindy. And if some poor soul that didn’t know the Sabres had turned on the game, they would probably wonder why poor sweet little Goose was getting booed.

- And speaking of Goose, is it me, or does he appear on the verge of laughter during the new Green Team video?

- This has not been a good night for Tyler Myers. First, the first Rangers goal goes off his foot. Then, he falls down behind the Sabres net, which leads to the Rangers second goal. This is not a good start to the game.

- I feel like I’m preaching to the choir here, but there’s something about tonight’s HD broadcast that feels a bit off. The sound on the HD channel is quieter than the sound on the regular HD channel, and the picture has a bit of that “dirty fishbowl” vibe to it. It’s not as crisp and clear of a picture as we’re used to seeing on HD broadcasts.

- Marc Staal is interviewed by Rob Ray at the end of the first period. Staal’s hair is two shades of brown and it’s not an attractive look on him. It makes him look patchy.

- Tonight’s FAIL is brought to you by the worldwide leader. Take a look at the playoff matchup stats on the header of the page.

Last time I checked, neither of those two teams were leading their series by the margin listed. Nice work, ESPN!

- After Leopold scores the first Sabres goal, a quick shot of the Rangers bench shows Torts looking less than amused like he wants to eat babies. Then again, I’ve never seen Torts as the warm and fuzzy type.

- Can someone please give Myers a beer or six during the intermission to calm him down and remove his jitters? Dude has been BRUTAL tonight.

- Scratch that, the ENTIRE fricking team has been brutal tonight. Stepan has a hat trick and the game isn’t even through the second period when it happens. Did the entire Sabres team leave their talent behind on a jetway in Ottawa?

- It’s always good to hear the team booed at the first home game of the season.

- In unrelated news, Royal Pains is back on Thursdays in January. Just what my DVR needs, another show on Thursdays. I’m sure by then Project Runway will be back on with a new season and then there’s Greys Anatomy. Not to mention hockey. That sound you’ll be hearing will be my DVR going blooey.

- The MSG commercial for Boomer and whatever the other guy’s name is with the air horn is getting my vote for the most annoying commercial in the history of bad sports commercials. If Sabres fans have to deal with 82 games of that, people will get twitchy.

- I can’t even tell what Sabres are giving an eff tonight. There seems to be a general apathy, malaise, lack of legs, too much cheese from the spaghetti parm in their bellies, whatever you want to call it, amongst the boys. If they’re like this on game two, then what will they be like at game fifty-three?

- Hmm. The third Sabres goal has got me thinking about goal songs again. What about “Bust a Move”? Most of the Sabres are children of the 80s; I’m sure they’d appreciate the classic rap song. (But please, no “Baby Got Back.” We must remain classy at the game. Blast that in the locker room if you must.)

- Two questions that I’ve always wanted to know the answers to:

  • If Miller and Lalime were to both get hit by a bus in the same game, who is the Sabres emergency goaltender? Does someone have to strap on the pads or would the Sabres have to forfeit?
  • What is James Patrick wired in to?

- Oh good, Goose puts the cherry on this ice cream sundae of a game by getting thrown out for unsportmanlike conduct after the Rangers sixth goal. The TV broadcast never showed us what he did. I’m assuming he cracked a stick somewhere he shouldn’t have? I hate when penalties are announced for things that we never see.

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One Week Away!

October 1, 2010

Happy Hocktober, my friends! The Sabres season opener is just one week away! Can you feel the excitement in the air? The crisp, clean fall air is filled with the sounds of skates & sticks. The smell of clean ice mingles with the smells of fall, like pumpkins, apples & squash.

- The NHL debuted it’s new “Questions Will Become Answers” individual player ads today. Surprisingly, Ryan Miller is included, as the NHL finally bought a clue and included a well respected, thoughtful, eloquent athlete not named Sidney or Alex and one not playing for a team in a major market. I love the concept of Miller testing his reflexes with the tennis balls, as it shows just how good he is. (I would have clocked myself in the head several times over if I had to peform the tennis ball trick.) The whipping of the tennis ball at the camera indicates a subtle “eff you” towards all the haters and doubters out there. It’s a nice touch to close the ad. Kudos to the NHL and their agency for creating some very nice spots.

- Bucky chimes in with a “Drew Stafford has had a come to Jesus moment and promises to remove his head from his sphincter and play hockey this year.” All I can say is that the Staffy-phiphany had better stick or there will be a lot of fans ready to put him on the first bus to anywhere but here.

- SI looks at the league’s sudden wave of wee little baby defensemen. The author provides a particularly memorable image of the younger defensemen being likely to remember lyrics to the Barney theme song if sufficiently bribed or threatened. Why does that sound like something out of a team hazing activity, that a rookie has to sing childhood songs like ones from Barney, Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. (Oh wait, that was my childhood. Minus the Barney. Barney was after my time.) C’mon, can’t you imagine Tyler Ennis or another Sabres rookie having to put on a locker room performance of “The Ladybugs Picnic” or “Dance Myself to Sleep“?

But I digress. The article is full of praise for Myers, including a comment from Harry Sinden about how Myers always gets back to the defensive zone in time, just like Bobby Orr. To be compared to one of the greatest – if not the greatest – defensemen in the game is very high praise indeed, and just shows how well thought of Myers is around the league.

- On an unrelated note, does anyone else want to just give a great big hug to Mondo from Project Runway? Holy moses, he’s growing on me more and more. I’m not going to spoil this week’s episode, but dude, what a guy. I may not be able to wear his clothes and may not always “get” his designs, but there’s no doubt that the man is talented. He is my pick to win it all.

- I’m glad to see that MLB bought a clue (with the help of Chevrolet) and will be starting Game 3 of the World Series before 7pm. Starting the game early is a great way to increase the audience for the game, however, if there was a game where starting early would make the least sense, Saturday would be it. Why not make it a weeknight, where little Johnny or little Susie can watch a couple innings before they have to go to bed in order to be alert for school the next day? That’s how you grow audiences and fans. My dad waxes poetic about the days where he would come home from school and be able to watch the baseball playoffs. Kids today miss out on that. The games start late and with a lot of kids having to be on the bus so early, there’s a missed opportunity to grow the fanbase.

- Finally, why are these people beating on poor Sabretooth? What has he done to deserve such treatment? We also should use this photo as an example of “Why Thundersticks Are a No Good, Horrible, Terrible, Very Bad Idea.”

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Crazy Bout a Sharp Dressed Man OR SOTC’s Recap of the NHL Awards

June 23, 2010

-  I f’love this photo of Mr. Miller. The man can wear a suit. And cock an eyebrow like no one’s business. When he has kids, that speculative eyebrow is going to be one heck of a parenting tool.

- I hit a dead link on NHL.com earlier, and this was the error message I received: This page may have moved, is no longer available, is in the penalty box, or we have a problem with our web site, sorry.

Cute, NHL. Very cute. I mean that in a good way.

- The show opens with a performance by Snoop Dogg. I know when I think of the link between NHL & music, Snoop is the first artist that comes to mind. Snoop’s performance is backed up by a montage of great hits and plays from this past season. Travis Barker appears to be backing Snoop up on the drums. Whatevs.

- Jay Mohr’s monologue makes a “Phoenix Coyotes as booby prize” joke within the first minute-and-a-half. That’s excellent. I also enjoyed his comment about Ovie going off into the Pacific Northwest to scare some campers. Crosby must have his laugh chip installed tonight, as he was cracking up at Mohr’s joke about two minutes in the box not meaning what you think it means when dealing with a lady of the evening in Vegas. Sadly, this monologue is the high point of the night for Mohr.

- The first award of the night is the Calder award, given to the NHL’s Rookie of the Year. Mom speculates that this is the first award because all of the little ones have to go to bed early. Tyler Myers is the winner. Yay! He endearingly pulls out a sheet of paper (8.5 x 11, typed, double sided) to give his acceptance speech. Aww. Myers speech focusing on thanking his friends, family, the WHL, Hockey Canada, the Sabres coaches & management & his teammates. What a sweetie.

- In the “water is wet and puppies are cute” moment, Pavel Datsyuk wins the Selke Award. His speech is borderline hilarious, but his pink shirt and tie combo is the scene stealer.

- Ooh, I just noticed that the banners hanging above the stage change to the number of whatever player is winning the award. Nice touch, NHL.

- Hank Sedin is presented his Art Ross trophy on the red carpet. You read that right. We’re now presenting awards outside and showing them on videotape.

- Patrick Sharp and Pat Kane are off to the side being interviewed by the resident roving reporter, and Kane has his arms wrapped around a Playboy bunny. Oh Pat, you’re so suave. :::roll eyes:::

- Cirque du Soleil Beatles edition performs one of the numbers from their show. Think one of these guys would like to be a backup goalie? They look kind of bendy, and you never know when the opportunity to do a back handspring while breakdancing could come in handy on a killer penalty kill. All joking aside, I’d love to see the Beatles Cirque show in Vegas, but this bathroom renovation has tapped me out for a good long time, so no Vegas for me.

- Ron MacLean and Ted Lindsay present the Ted Lindsay award, which is given to the best player as voted on by his peers. It’s like a badass version of the Miss Congenialty award. Ovechkin wins the award, but, in the words of @LindyRuffsTie, WEAR A TIE YA BUM! Seriously Ovie, this is an awards show, not the airport lounge at McCarron as you’re flying back to Washington after visiting a trade show. My mom wants to know why you also haven’t gotten your teeth fixed yet. If Duncan Keith can get seven teeth fixed, you can have one fixed.

- Getzlaf & Bobby Ryan do this pretty hilarious skit to settle the differences between them due to Getzlaf’s superiority complex since winning gold in Vancouver. That video really needs to be put on a website somewhere for those that missed it. We know hockey players are pretty good at making fun of themselves, so hopefully the league is aware of the positive reception this video has received and starts to make more like it.

- The presentation of the Rocket Richard Trophy is also handled on the red carpet. I’m not a fan of these outside little presentations. Bring them on stage and give them their due like all the other awards.

- John Slattery presents the Jack Adams Award to Dave Tippett. Tippett gets huge, huge credit for turning a pile of sh*t in Phoenix and turning it into a playoff  making rose.

- Kudos to Versus & the league for making sure the nominee & winner names are in a large enough font on the screen to make blogging easier for us at home.

- DB Sweeney (toe pick!) and Jamie Kennedy are up next to present the Vezina award. Kennedy muffs the pronunciation of poor Vezina’s name during the schtick before the presentation. YAY! Miller wins the Vezina and gets big hugs from Brodeur and Bryzgalov. He also pulls a Tyler Myers and pulls out his speech. (Aww.) After thanking the friends, family and girlfriend, Miller thanks his teammates and even makes a special thank you to Patty Lalime. I think the little Lalime impersonation (“ipipip hey buddy” in a french accent) was probably the highlight of the speech.I really hope the league puts Miller’s speech online, since that bit was seriously adorable. Several people on Twitter are speculating that Miller’s love for Lalime tonight indicates that Lalime will be back with the Sabres next year. It might be that, but it also might be a sign of  Miller giving his buddy an ultimate shoutout after the Buffalo fanbase has thrown Lalime under the bus, driven over him, scraped him off the pavement and done it again.

Also, I like Miller’s acknowledgment that the players are going to go out and have a grand old time after the ceremony is over. I mean, it’s 6pm in Vegas when the show ends. It’s not like they’re going to hit the early bird dinner and then head into their hotel rooms to be in bed by 10. (Well, the latter part might be true. Please reference Mohr’s bit at the beginning.) They’re going to go out and live it up. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Unless you’re caught by TMZ, Deadspin or a stray blogger or tweeter, that is.

- The NHL just tweeted that Miller won the Vezina in a landslide. He had 126 votes, Bryzgalov was 2nd with 79. That’s an ass kicking of epic proportions.

- Brodeur wins the Jennings trophy in a red carpet presentation.

- Shinedown performs. I take a powder. Not my cup of tea.

- Theodore wins the Masterton award. I have to give my mother the Readers Digest condensed version of Jose’s story. It has to be heartbreaking for him to be accepting the award on what would have been the day after his son’s first birthday.

- The King Clancy award is given to Shane Doan by representatives of the US Army. Give all of them a round of applause and a standing ovation, please. Doan gives a plea for any free agents to come to Phoenix, since they’re going to be there another year. Is that tampering, or just a lighthearted plea?

- Nate Ewell, the Caps PR guy, reports on Twitter that Miller carried his Vezina into the press conference, telling the reporters that he’s not letting go, that it’s his trophy. I wish he would deposit his Vezina in the middle of the locker room on the opening day of training camp, challenging his teammates that this is not the piece of silver he wants.

- And here’s Myers with his Calder, grinning like a fool.

- Same thing with Miller and his new friend Vezina.

- Martin St. Louis wins the Lady Byng for gentlemanly play. Water wet, puppies cute. St. Louis a gentleman. NEXT!

- Crosby wins the Messier Award for leadership. I call shenanigans on this one. Crosby won the Cup last season, Mess. You shouldn’t be able to use it as justification for this year’s award. Miller was the leader of our ragtag bunch of players, carried the team on his shoulders, and wasn’t afraid to tell it like it is to either his teammates or the media. Doesn’t that count for something?

- This awards show diary is temporarily interrupted as I have to go play grumpy old lady and yell at some kids to get off my lawn and out of my flower bed. Kids these days…

- The Norris trophy is awarded to Duncan Keith. (Also, Mike Green, listen to the same advice that I gave Ovie. Wear a damn tie like a grownup.) Keith makes a crack that Ovie better keep his hands off his fiancee, as they are seated next to each other in the audience.

- Miller is presented the Foundation award on the red carpet. He wins a crystal trophy and a $25,000 check. Way to go, Ryan!

- The Goos sing their single, “Home.” Tonight’s musical performances are brought to us by Verizon. Hey Verizon, how bout taking that sponsorship money and dropping it off at Buffalo City Hall so I can get FiOS here in the city?

- Guy LaFleur presents the final award of the night, the Hart Trophy. (Random aside, I wonder if the producers of Lost used LaFleur as Sawyer’s alias as a tribute to Guy?) Henrik Sedin wins the Hart. Good. I was going to flip something if Ovie or Crosby would have won. Let’s get some new names on these trophies. Hank makes a subtle dig at his brother Daniel, saying that there’s no way Daniel can say that he is a better player than Henrik now.

- Well friends, this brings us to the end of the 2009-10 season. The draft and UFA day are ahead of us, but really, we’re heading into the doldrums of summer. Enjoy the nice weather and know that hockey is just around the corner.

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Defining Moments

June 14, 2010

Greg Wyshynski from Puck Daddy asked on Twitter this afternoon what (if any) moments fans would put into their mental scrapbooks that chronicle this past season. There’s a couple Sabres moments that stick out for me…

- Ryan Miller looking like someone drove over his puppy after the gold medal game against Canada. Dude was ready to cry, but sucked it up and wore his silver medal with pride.

- Another Miller moment: after the Boston series ended, Miller standing at the Sabres blue line, hands on hips, with a beeyotch, please look on his face, waiting for his teammates to stop carrying on and just shake hands with the Bruins already.

- The photos and tales that came out of the Sabres encounter with the furry convention in San Jose. You could completely tell that the players had no clue what was going on, but just rolled with it anyway.

- Tyler Myers playing over 28 minutes in ice time despite being one of several players worshipping the porcelain god on a road trip to Ottawa.

- Myers scoring in the shootout against Tampa on my birthday.

- The wonder that was Drew Stafford on Twitter. Come back Drew, come back! Then again, I’d rather you show up on the ice than in the Twitterverse.

- Vanek’s horrible injury luck. Did anyone have an idea that his injuries were THAT bad? It’s only a flesh wound my arse.

What else?

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So in April I spied Gaustad and Miller wearing the same shoes during locker cleanout. It looks like we have another member of this shoe club: Brian Campbell. Check out photo #11 of the Blackhawks parade gallery. Coincidence or random shoe shopping trip at some point? You make the call.

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