Make ‘Em Laugh

- Check out this Goose photo on NHLoL. The Marty Brodeur ones are pretty good as well.

- Whose bright idea was it to make the Team USA hockey players look like junior serial killers? I mean, we know it was Kane in the cab with the ice pick, but Miller looks like he’s going to be ready to use that ice pick on the first little punk that only gives forth 40 minutes worth of effort in a 60 minute game.

Although, does the fact that Miller is included mean he’s more of a lock to be the starting goalie over TimTom? Or  is it that Miller just looks more menacing that TimTom?

- Lindy just threw the gauntlet down at Tallinder (which means Tallinder flubbed the catch, tripped, broke his foot and will be out for three weeks). If “Uncle Fluffy” Tallinder shows up to camp or the preseason games, I really think he’ll sit. If “NHL Caliber” Tallinder shows up, then I don’t know who sits.

- I know it’s only the first practice, but it will be nice to see the players on the ice again and who’s ready to play. With Lindy saying that there will be more scrimmages, it should be easier to keep track of what’s going on as opposed to when practice is mainly drills.

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You’ve Come A Long Way Baby

Edited to now include 100% more mugshot content.

- When Patrick Kane was drafted by the Black Hawks, I wonder if he thought he’d ever be gracing the pages of TMZ.com?

It…just…yeah.

Somehow, this tops sloshed and shoeless on the ground as the most ridiculous thing to ever happen to a player before/during/after a visit to the Chip Strip.

Scroll down to the bottom of this Puck Daddy post to see the mugshot. A face only a mother could slap, right?

- Meanwhile, Ryan Miller was off being all responsible and cool like while performing his grand marshall duties for the Grand-Am race at the Glen on Friday night. Sabres Edge has a very nice recap of his comments to the media. However, he – like Rivet earlier this offseason – stated that two weeks after the end of the season is an acceptable slacking off time before getting into summer conditioning mode.

In my opinion, that’s just another gauntlet thrown by a vocal leader in the locker room. Sabretooth forbid if someone shows up to camp schlumpy and in less than top form.

Stuffapalooza

- Patrick Kane has been all over the media today. Bucky Gleason did an excellent profile of him in today’s Buffalo News, and ESPN profiled him via stories and other embarrassing information provided by his parents and sisters. I’m sure after reading the ESPN article, Kaner will be hearing no amount of grief from his teammates over dance parties, karaoke and still sleeping in his childhood bedroom when he goes home. After reading both articles, I kind of want to carry Kane around in my pocket. At times he sounds like a grownup and yet, there are other times he still sounds like the 20-year-old kid that he is. Irregardless of where he goes and what he does, it sounds like he’s still grounded in South Buffalo. And I do like that he addresses – somewhat indirectly – the perception that he can be an arrogant little shit. Heh.

- Favorite search term of the day: “the stick that Sidney Crosby youses.” I can honestly say that this is the first time I’ve ever seen that word spelled that way. Where has our educational system gone awry?

- I’ve been looking at the weather report all day trying to figure out whether hell has actually frozen over, since I enjoyed both Bucky and Jerry Sullivan’s writings in today’s paper.

- The Toronto Star had an interesting article the other day, ranking North American cities based on the winning percentage of their sports teams since 2000. For this purpose, “sports teams” is limited to NBA, NHL, MLB and NFL/CFL organizations. The #1 city was Indianapolis, with Boston at #2 and Vancouver at #3. Of the 37 cities ranked, Buffalo fell in the 29th position. Since the Bills and the Sabres were at varying levels of mediocrity throughout this decade, I was curious as to what the team’s actual records were and how this ranking could have been achieved.

Since 2000, the Bills record is 60-84. By my rough math, this gives them a .416 winning percentage in eight seasons. The Sabres record in that same time frame is 330-245-33-48, with a points percentage somewhere around .565 or so (I took an average of the percentages in the seasons under question for sake of simplicity.)

So what does this all mean? Who knows. It’s open to interpretation, especially since a city so rich in good/decent sports teams like Boston is falls second to Indy, which only has the Pacers and the Colts. In closing, I want to paraphrase something my research methods teacher once said: 25% of all research is crap. You make the call whether this study is or not.

- Joke time: In France, why do they only eat one egg for breakfast? Because to them, one egg is un oeuf. (Thank you, thank you. No applause. Try the fish.)

- This Bob Cole parody is absolutely brilliant. The writer has all of Cole’s verbal ticks down cold.

Getting To Know You

- The Hockey News posted a “Getting to Know Him” interview with Patrick Kane. I am speechless at the fact that he drives an aquamarine Hummer. Alright, I’m speechless that he called it aquamarine instead of blue.

- Be extra kind to your neighborhood Devils fans for the next couple of days. Marty Brodeur is going to be out for the next 3-4 months after having surgery to repair a torn biceps muscle. Does this mean that the NHL is going to have to take its tasteful, yet Blingy Bob-esque, Marty record breaking tracker down?

- Aren’t the Portland Pirates just the best bunch of team builders you ever saw? I did like that Dineen went through the course with the guys as well. I would expect Lindy to do the same thing, too.

- And congrats to Teppo, Vanek, Roy and Miller for making the All-Star ballot. When the ballot goes live, remember to vote for these guys, plus your favorite write-in candidates. Those write-in votes for Goose or Paille have to come from somewhere.

Media Fun

- Pat Kane and Jonathan Toews became the latest members of the Blackhawks to sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” at a Cubs game. While they shouldn’t give up their day job, they did a reasonably respectable job.

- There really weren’t any surprises in this year’s Sabres Media Guide. Everyone eats chicken, loves U2 and DMB and credits their parents as being the most influential people in their lives.  However, the photographer or stylist somehow managed to make Gaustad appear to have a fivehead that could rival Tyra Banks’.

Oh well, you work that fierce fivehead, Mr. Gaustad.

(Sidebar: Can I just tell you that I’ve rediscovered America’s Next Top Model after a five cycle hiatus? How did I get by without the ridiculousness of Tyra, the wackiness of Ms. Jay and the Small Orange Man, and the squicky hotness of Nigel Barker?)

- Continuing with the photo theme, Getty Images has some shots posted of Miller’s “stylized photo shoot” that occurred during his NYC trip (just search the site for “buffalo sabres” under sports and they’ll come up.)

I can’t decide whether this makes him look like a politician-in-training or a funeral director.

His face may be obscured by the Getty Images copyright, but the death glare still rings through. Glad to see some things don’t change.

He Gets an “A” For Effort

- Soupy sings “Take Me Out To The Ballgame.”

Sunshine gets an A for effort, that’s for sure. It has to be tough to sing pretty much a capella in front of thousands of fans. However, Soupy won’t be the last celebrity to muck up the song at a Cubs game. Even Chicago native Mike Wilbon from PTI mucked it up.

- In some other news, Marty and Crunchy get taken out to the ballgame as well.

- And speaking of Crunchy, hello Crunchy’s guns

- It sounds like the NHL did quite the publicity blitz in New York City these past couple of days. Getty Images shows Crunchy, DiPietro (and I’m assuming the future Mrs. DP), Pat Kane and Papa Kane sitting in a box at the US Open. Marty Brodeur and Henrik Lundqvist got to go to the Entourage premiere party. However, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for this part of the festivities:

One of the more interesting (and hilarious) sites was seeing each player having makeup applied and choosing through various wardrobes for photo shoots with NHL Images.

This moment could have been absolutely hysterical. The mental image is enough to make me forgive NHL.com for using the wrong version of sight/site. Was our fashionista Miller guiding his fellow players in wardrobe choices, or did he remain silent?

But I just wonder why no one talked Pat Kane out of wearing a cream colored sweater. It does nothing for him.