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More Letters to More Nuts

May 4, 2008

Dear Chris Drury,

You took one for the team. Its a shame that your Rangers mates didn’t respond to your injury the same way your Sabres mates did last season. At least with your new residence in New York City, you have access to some of the finest plastic surgeons in the world to take care of any scarring.

See what happens when you and your mates shave your playoff facial hair?

Have a joyous off-season.

Regards,

Shots Off The Crossbar

==========

Dear Sidney Crosby,

If you shave the Chester the Molester facial hair before you are out of the playoffs, I will dunk a bitch. Don’t mess with the juju.

Thanks,

Shots Off The Crossbar

==========

Dear Sean Avery,

I’m really glad last week’s rumors of your demise were greatly exaggerated. You may be an a-hole, but you didn’t deserve to have it reported that you had one in the grave and the other on the banana peel.

Regards,

Shots Off The Crossbar

=========

Dear Martin Biron,

Congrats on making it to the EC Finals as a starting goalie. I wish you nothing but the best in these playoffs. I also really enjoyed your little feature on NHL.com about your Mary Poppins bag-o-goalie equipment fixes. Hopefully you are as handy with fixing your children’s toys as you are at fixing your equipment.

Enjoy the EC Finals,

Shots Off The Crossbar

=========

Dear Ryan Miller,

I really didn’t need to know that you’ve signed someone’s boobs. But I did enjoy the qualifier that you’ll only sign boobs in non-creepy situations, like when there’s not children around.

Please keep up the bloggy goodness!

Shots Off The Crossbar

==========

Dear Person Who Asked Ryan Miller to Sign His/Her Boob –

What the hell were you thinking?! You had better not have had that signature made into a tattoo. That would just be wrong.

Aghast,

Shots Off The Crossbar

==========

Dear Paul Gaustad,

Thank you for not being an asshole to my father at the TSA Checkpoint at the B-lo airport. The TSA guys are just doing their jobs and you got that (unlike most of the rest of the free world.) If I had heard otherwise, we would have had words.

Have a fun trip to wherever-ville,

Shots Off The Crossbar

==========

Dear Versus / NBC,

Please get some new talking points. I know that Big and Little Tits with Montreal are brothers, same with the two Staals. I know that Sidney Crosby lives at Chez Lemieux. I know that Chris Drury has won a Little League World Series. For this next round, please, please talk about something else!

Eagerly awaiting new trivia tidbits,

Shots Off the Crossbar

=========

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