My record on predicting the first round of the playoffs was 5-3. Not bad for using tralalafeeling bits instead of hard core stats. So, lets take the same prediction style to Round 2.
Washington vs. Pittsburgh: There are only two things guaranteed in this series. First, Pierre McG will hurt himself from trying to simultaneously fellate Crosby and Ovechkin. Second, whichever team wins the series will have their marquee player annointed pope. Keep an eye out for smoke signals from either Washington or Pittsburgh. I’m rooting for the Penguins in this series. I find Sid and Geno so much more appealing than Ovie and Co. Sid’s got an endless supply of things to mock him for, and Geno looks like he’s perpetually confused and wondering where his pants are. Meanwhile, I’m tired of hearing about how Ovie is the first person to ever have invented fun.
I’m adding a new level of tralala feelingbits to my analysis of this round of the playoffs: the battle of the mascots. In this series, Iceburgh beats Slapshot any day. Iceburgh’s so norky looking, which is exactly what you want a mascot to be.
That reminds me, why haven’t the Sabres put anything regarding Sabretooth on their site? Can some PR intern not write a biography of ‘Tooth? How hard is it to come up with stats like his favorite activity (Leaf blowing…er not in that way. Heh) or his favorite food (roast Duck with mango salsa, King cake, Shark fin soup, etc) or other fun things. Sheesh, if you don’t want to put the effort into writing it, open it up to fans and cull the best suggestions together into a bio for the darn cat.
Meanwhile, back at the prediction ranch…
Carolina vs. Boston: I’m rooting for Boston here. They’re infinitely more appealing than the Hurricanes. The end. And besides, I really do not want to see a Pittsburgh / Carolina conference final. I would lose it if I had to hear about the Staal brothers playing each other, and the endless interviews with Ma and Pa Staal and which kid do they love more. (The correct answer is Marc. However, since he isn’t playing anymore this season, we’re going to hope that we never have to find out who is more favored between Eric and Jordan. We wouldn’t want it to end up like the interview with the Miller clan during the first time Drew and Ryan played each other and Mother Miller admitted she liked goal scoring better.)
Detroit vs. Anaheim: Quack, quack, quack, quack. Guess who I’m rooting for? While Detroit is a good team, there’s something pretty robotic about their style of play. There doesn’t seem to be any joy on the ice. It’s like the old Soviet Red Army is playing. Meanwhile, the Ducks have personality. Getzi took on JoeTho the other night for no good reason. Corey Perry has his own drinking game amongst the fans (Drink every time the announcer calls him “CoreyPerry” instead of just “Perry” during the play-by-play. Just take it easy or you’ll be on the floor by the end of the first period.) And you have to root for Drew Miller. As his big brother put it in his latest blog, Drew is smart, hardworking, talented (so is a trained St. Bernard) and a definite asset to any NHL team. As Meg pointed out on Interchangeable Parts the other day, that might have been a subtle plea for the Sabres to acquire his brother.
In the battle of the mascots, Wild Wing is decidedly less scary that that ginormous inflatable octopus that decends from the rafters at the Joe.
Vancouver vs. Chicago: This series might as well just be called the Battle of the Pretty. Chicago is one not-pretty semi-talented singer away from having a boy band. (Oh, hi Brian Campbell. How ya doin? Didn’t see you over there.) And Vancouver has Taylor Pyatt (and his eyes), Big Bear (and his adorable habit of adding a superfluous S to things), and Kesler and Bieksa. Plus, they have what seems like half of the Sweden playing for them with the Sedins, Sundin and Ohlund. (And how can you not love the Sedins when even their own teammates can’t tell them apart, leading to who knows how many too many men on the ice penalties? And they’re on the cover of SI this week, too. Here’s to hoping for no cover jinx.)
And in the mascot battle, Fin trumps Tommy Hawk by a landslide.Fin blogs. The end.
In other news, I don’t know if you heard, but both Chris Drury and Danny Briere are out of the playoffs. Where’s the Buffalo News to discuss that fact? Every other week it seems the News publishes an article saying out Briere and Drury are the greatest leaders to ever have lead. And where did their epic leadership skills get them? First round exits from the playoffs, that’s where. Although I do give Drury a ton of credit for playing with a broken hand. I’m always astounded by the injury reports that come out after a team is eliminated from the playoffs. There’s Drury’s broken hand, Corey Sarich’s broken foot, Mike Richards bum shoulder (he’s now laid up for 10-12 weeks), not to mention that I learned last night that Jamie Langenbrunner of the Devils had knee surgery on the 18th and was back in the lineup 8 days later. That takes cojohnes the size of the Garden State (or a cortisone shot to end all cortisone shots).
Speaking of injuries, has it ever been revealed what injury Pominville suffered towards the end of the season, or what’s going on with Lalime’s hip? Lindy said they would be discussed later, and well, it’s later. Yes, I know Lindy is busy in Switzerland right now, but surely someone else in the organization can talk about it.
On a final note, I’m completely amused by the fans who sat behind Tortorella last night wearing ponchos. It’s like they went to a Gallagher show and a hockey game broke out.