NHL Awards

June 18, 2009

Random thoughts from tonight’s NHL Awards broadcast.

– What is Chaka Khan wearing? It’s like dominatrix gear was crossed with a Hefty bag. Her duet with Robin Thicke didn’t sound bad at all, but the crowd was not getting into it.

– Wow, can Pat Kane read a teleprompter. He somehow manages to look greasy, drunky and baked at the same time.

– “My English still short.” – Pavel Datsyuk. Aww

– How the hell does almost dying on the ice preclude someone from winning the Masterton trophy? That trumps coming back from open heart surgery and not being nominated as one of the biggest injustices of the year. I’m now outraged on Zednik’s behalf, in addition to still being outraged on Teppo’s behalf.

– Props to Manny Fernandez and Tim Thomas for bringing some much needed comedy to this evening, as Tim Tom cracked the room up during his Jennings Award by asking if he should thank Manny’s wife. Heh.

– The awards presenters are almost painful. As Schnookie pointed out on IPB, Goose apparently needed to be brought in to teach the fundamentals of reading. I guess he didn’t get that call from the NHL.

– During Datsyuk’s acceptance speech for the Lady Byng when he commented about following your dreams, I immediately launched into Cartman’s “follow your dreams, you can reach your goals. I am living proof. BEEFCAKE!” speech.

– I really hope all the NHLers get flea dipped after the show at the Palms. Between the Playboy suite, the Real World suite and god only knows what else, there’s enough cooties running around the Palms to keep exterminators busy for eternity.

– Who do Chris Chelios and Jeremy Roenick know in the camera booth? They keep showing up on the screen for no. good. reason.

– Ethan Moreau looked nervous but gave a good speech.

– Apparently teleprompters are not Jeremy Roenick’s strong suit. He stumbled over his introdutory blather for the Fan Five award winner. And I would have liked to have seen what the Fan Five were, instead of just seeing Luongo be annointed as the winner.

– The blue hue of this broadcast is bothering the snot out of me.

– In this beige outfit, if Chaka Khan moves the wrong way, the camels toe will be on display. I don’t want or need to see that. Thankyouverymuch.

– And it’s so nice that in this “tribute to the fans” montage, we’re seeing more of Chaka. As a fan, I’m feeling a wee bit disrespected.

– Why am I getting so upset about all of this?

– Aww, William Fitchner. He’s a good Buffalo boy. Here’s to hoping that someday he’ll be presenting the Vezina to Ryan Miller instead of Tim Thomas. Puck Daddy seems to think that Thomas should be the starter for the 2010 US Olympic team. Two words for TimTom’s performance this year: contract year. On the other hand, a Miller/TimTom battle for starter could be mighty entertaining.

– Aww, Tim Tom’s getting emotional. It’s nice to see, since everyone else is kind of rolling the speeches off by heart with little emotion.

– Kevin Smith. The fact that you love hockey made me love you even more than I did after I saw Dogma. I can even forgive the fact that you’re a Devils fan.

– Pat Burns looks fantastic for being in the middle of his third battle with cancer. Go get ’em, Pat. Kick some cancer ass.

– Claude Julien wins the Jack Adams award. He kind of looks like a hockey coach, with the stern yet pudgy face.

– Oh, shut up already, Mark Messier. No one cares. Just hand out your award and get off the stage.

– Kudos to Iginlia for thanking his teammates during the leadership award presentation. He remembered that you can’t be a leader without a good group of followers.

– I can honestly say that I will not be watching Fanarchy.

– Kevin Connolly is a short little man, as any fan of Entourage can attest.

– Chara wins the Norris trophy. If it would have been that little punk Mike Green, I might have thrown something at the TV set. A good defenseman needs to be both offensively and defensively minded. Chara’s speech was pretty good, both thanking the team and the family, and even bringing the humor into it.

– Malkin’s attempt at English is so charming.

– Ovie brings some humor to the room by saying that Geno’s English is better than Datsyuk’s English.

– Oh yay, Gary Bettman. Joy and bliss!

– And Jean Beliveau wins the “I thought he was dead” award.

– Ovie wins the Hart. Fun will once again reign throughout the league.

– That awards show was definitely underwhelming. Next year, the league should let the fans be in charge of planning the festivities. We’d find a way to mix tradition and fun and have it be interesting.

One comment

  1. And it’s so nice that in this “tribute to the fans” montage, we’re seeing more of Chaka. As a fan, I’m feeling a wee bit disrespected.

    I was so mad that we probably missed the one Sabres picture because we had to watch Chaka and her fuschia lipstick.

    And, as you already know, I think the Masterton thing was ridiculous. I know Sullivan’s been through a lot, but I think people forget just how close Zednik came to actually dying on the ice.

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