What I Did On My Winter VacationFebruary 24, 2010
Remember when you were in grade school and you had to write essays about what you did on your summer vacation? What if our favorite Sabres had to do the same thing for this Olympic break, just to prove to Darcy that they were behaving themselves? Here’s a small sample of what would result, gathered through SuperSecretSpy methods.
By “The Goose”
HONKHONKHONK HONK HONKHONKHONKHONK OH HONK HONK HONK HONKHONK HONK OH HONK HONK HONK!
(Editor’s Note: Google Translator says “Instead of stewing in my bitterness over not making Team USA, I decided to re-dedicate myself to saving the planet, and watched old episodes of Captain Planet. He’s a hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero.”)
By “Drew Stafford”
I went home. I needed to spend more time refining my hybrid Minnesotanadian accent….and have mama do some laundry. Do you know how much laundry has piled up since I was last home? My ride back to Buffalo was diverted to Newark when some little mutant started screaming and its mother wouldn’t shut it up. Since I was already in Jersey, I tried to find that chick from Jersey Shore that looks like Littlefoot. No luck there. Since I was mad, I toilet papered Parise’s front yard to make me feel better. And just so you don’t think I’m a total ass, I fed his pet turtle. Can’t let the pets die while he’s off chasing glory.
By “Derek Roy”
I went to NY Fashion Week. The clothes, the glamour, the lights, the stars. Ooh, it was just the best! I got to meet Michael Kors and Nina Garcia and Heidi Klum! Kors is nearly not as orange in person as he is on Project Runway. I also saw Tyra and the Jays. They were fierce. Tyra told me that I need to work on my smizing. She says smizing is an essential skill. I can already see the signs at HSBC: “Smize for me, Roy-Z!”
Editors Note: I’m sad that Miss Jay will not be at panel on this season of Top Model. Whatever will we do without his giant gimmicks to count down the number of hamsters remaining?
By “Nathan Paetsch”
I updated my resume. I’m not stupid. I’m the eighth defenseman on a seven man rotation. I’ve spent more time this season getting to know the press box staff than skating on the ice.
By “Thomas Vanek”
I spent time playing with my young son. Who knew kids toys had so many parts? And who knew that little parts hurt when you stepped on them. My wife just says be thankful they’re not Barbie shoes. Can someone please tell me what is this Yo Gabba Gabba? And how can a kitchen sponge live under the sea with a squirrel?
By “Chris Butler”
I wanted to make a recipe I saw on The Barefoot Contessa. But was thwarted by not being able to find The Good Vanilla at the grocery store. Why does no one carry this brand? Can I substitute another brand of vanilla? I want to bake, damnit!
By “Tyler Myers”
I grew three more inches and my feet bust through my bedroom wall while I was sleeping. Mairsy and Patty came over to see if they could help me fix the wall, but Mairsy misfired the nail gun and shot a nail through his foot and Patty had to take him to the hospital. Does anyone know a good contractor?
Editor’s note: On a serious note, does anyone know a good contractor in Buffalo? SOtC Estates needs a bathroom reno and needs a quality trustworthy contractor that can install a shower, upgrade some electrical, add an exhaust fan and potentially do some tile work. Drop me an e-mail if you’ve had the good, the bad or the ugly.