Archive for March, 2010


Sabres vs. Bruins – 3.29.10

March 29, 2010

-I think I learned way too much from the internets today:

  • I now know what “vadazzling” is. I still don’t know why anyone would want to do that, but I digress.
  • I now know that Derek Roy is an epic fail at Getting Behind #9 (search Twitter for that one. I’m not linking it here)
  • Ryan Miller had better be careful. Those stretches with Tubey could result in him getting chased with a shotgun by Tubey’s papa.

So I’ve been in an incredibly goofy mood today. Can you blame me?

– Gerbe is starting the game playing with Goose and Grier. Do they have to tell Gerbe to slow it down so he won’t be at one end of the ice while Goose and Grier are still huffing and puffing it down towards  him? Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some Goose and Grier, and they’re all heart, but they’re not exactly known for their speed.

– After watching the first couple minutes of tonight’s game, I’d like to suggest that the Sabres invest in one of these for Miller. They could just attach it to the crossbar so that he would remain in the crease. And I’m sure the monkey would make a fetching addition to the Sabres uniform. If he doesn’t want to wear the monkey, then I suggest that he stay in his damn crease!

– Gaustad scores a goal, but makes it incredibly stylish in both the execution (backhand between his legs) and personal appearance (the trial runs of a playoff beard, perhaps?).

– OH MY GOD. I did not need to see Sammy the Seal get clubbed to death in this Humane Society Commercial. I know it’s a hockey game and there’s violence galore, but that’s just too much.

– Could no one get Charissa Simpson a box for her interview with Gaustad? He’s all tall and dripping and she’s all short and overly bleached blond and it just looked awkward.

– Just from watching Tim Thomas tonight, he is crashing back to earth – and hard – after his Vezina winning season last year. The goals he gave up tonight were very soft ones, and the Goose one was off a pretty big rebound. Mercifully, Julien pulls Thomas for Rask after the third Sabres goal.

– Mother of pearl, someone tell Joe B. that TIM Kennedy plays for the Sabres, not Tyler.

– Breaking news: Ryan Miller must be the last player off the ice and meditates before each game.

– Pominville gets a nice breakaway on Rask and ends up getting tackled and slapped by Marco Sturm after poking at Rask. How can someone tackle and beat up on Pommers? It’s like kicking a puppy!

– The Bruins second goal is kind of fluky, as bodies are flying, pucks are flying, Crunchy’s falling and next thing you know, the puck is in the net.

– Towards the end of the game I noticed Stafford had red splotches on the shoulder of his sweater. Were he or his teammates bleeding at some point during the night or did the manicure party during the intermission go horribly wrong?


Sabres vs. Bolts – 3.27.10

March 27, 2010

– So the Sabres apparently cannot beat Ottawa, but seem to have little trouble with Tampa, getting out to a 3-0 lead before the first period is over. Goose scored his 10th and 11th of the season and Roy-Z got his 20th. Goose’s second goal was initially credited to Hecht, which would have been his 20th, had that stood.

– Tampa’s cause isn’t helped by LeCavalier getting thrown out of the game for spearing Timmy Kennedy in the babymaker. That’s just bad leadership and bad manners. Bad Vinny!

– Reading between the lines, I think Marc Savard’s comments towards Matt Cooke could best be summed up as “Eat s*%t and die.”

– RJ kvetching that he won’t be home to help Cupcake with the spring gardening, planting and pool opening  because of the playoffs was kind of adorable.

– BFD alert: James Woods is in the house. He’s scouting out movie locations in Buffalo.

– So the Sabres start the second period with a decidedly mellower playing style. Of course Tampa takes advantage of this attitude and the vast majority of play in the beginning of the period is spent in the Buffalo end.

– That quickly changes as the population of Pominville grows to 23 as he deflects a shot from the point past Mike Smith. 4-0, Sabres.

Smith is just laying in the crease like a dead fish, with a loose puck, and five teammates standing around, when here comes Roy-Z to pick up the loose puck and go high on the prone goalie. 5-0, Sabres.

– I finish my ice cream just as Ennis finds Mair with a beautiful pass to make it 6-0, Sabres.

Are these the same guys that played Ottawa last night? Or is Tampa just that bad?

Dear Darcy, Can we please keep Tennis the Menace? We all promise to love him, hug him, and call him George (which, you have to admit might be one of the nicer things that Sabres fans have called players in the day). Pleeeeeeeese can we keep him?

– Boo-urns. Downie gets one past Lalime on the short side. 6-1, Sabres.

– WHOOOOOO! Roy-Z gets his fourth career hat trick. 7-1, Sabres.

And not that the fans are bored or anything, but a massive wave has broken out at HSBC. It’s kind of hilarious that it keeps going for as long as it did, but the cameramen are having to dodge the flying hands and arms.

– I’m getting a case of the warm and fuzzies watching the players celebrating with Lalime at the end of the game. They finally gave him that good game that they promised him. And the s*%t eating grin and bear hug that Miller gave Lalime made me full on smile. I fully expect those two to tackle each other at the end of a game one of these days. You can tell that these two genuinely like each other and have a great relationship. Goalies are awesome.

I know it’s a Boston video, but really, happy dances are universal, are they not? We’re going to the playoffs, we’re going to the playoffs! Commence happy dancing! Commence pommerdoodling!

– K-Syl reports that playoff tickets go on sale at 9am on Dyngus Day. Who else thinks that a Dyngus Day celebration will break out in the line outside HSBC Arena?


Sabres vs. Sens – 3.26.10

March 26, 2010

The Good:

  • GOOOOOOOOSE! Where the hell have you been, my fine feathered friend? Although that was a garbage kind of goal, beggars can’t be choosers.
  • This Pat Burns article on TSN. Talk about grace, dignity and courage in a time of immense personal trial.
  • The Pat Kaleta fight in the first period.

The Amazing:

  • The Duck, Duck, Goose sign in the 300 level.
  • The Pommers & Montador two-on-zero. Not only did it result in a goal, but do you ever think those two players will ever have that same opportunity ever again?

The Terrible:

  • Gary Bettman’s intermission interview. Dude has shifty eyes and was looking sideways at the camera the entire time.
  • Goose crashing awkwardly into the boards at the end of the second period.
  • The Sabres playing not to lose rather than playing to win.

Game Summary:

  • Screw you Sabres and the horse you rode in on. I don’t think a win was asking for too much tonight. You want all of us to stop yakking about how you can’t beat the Sens? Then man up AND BEAT THE EFFING SENS!

Sabres vs. Habs – 3.24.10

March 24, 2010

– I tuned into the game just after the puck dropped  (don’t look at me like that, I was watching Ina Garten) and am rewarded for my tardiness with one of the Tits Brothers scoring on Miller. Yay Team! If I may be crass for a moment, who is the little darling that forgot to keep his eyes on the Tits? Lindy obviously agrees with this analysis, as he’s spotted on the bench yelling his fool head off and turning a most unattractive shade of red. 1-0, Habs.

– RJ remarks that one of the Habs changes looks like a Chinese fire drill is going on at the bench. Heh. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if a team one day really did do a Chinese fire drill?

– I think we may have to add “drink whenever a Mike Robitaille commercial airs” to the Sabres drinking game. Between the cheese ads, rehab ads and ads discussing his nuts, Roby is all over the broadcast these days.

– Did Miller have his mask touched up? There seems to be a new blue and gold design on his forehead and the “Miller Time” on the back looks sparkled up, like he ran it through an internet blingy design template.

– Timmy takes a puck in the snout after the Tits tries to clear the puck out of the zone. I will not make a joke about Timmy being injured by some tits. This is a klassy blog run by a klassy broad. My inner 12-year-old isn’t happy that I’m moving on, but she’ll have to deal.

– Aww, Rob Ray has a friend in his little hovel tonight. It’s nice that he has company, but stinks that he’s stuck with Pierre McGuire.

– Roy-Z, honey, I get that you’re trying to “help” by playing some good solid defensive hockey, but shoving the guys in the white sweaters into your goalie isn’t helping things. In fact, it only hurts your teammates when you get a stupid penalty. Try not to do it again, sunshine. OK?

– Danny Gare’s tie would make a darling pattern for a Vera Bradley purse. Judging by the comments on Twitter, I’m one of the few people that likes his tie.

– Timmy is back on the bench to start the second period with only a small scar on the side of his nose to show for his efforts.

– So the Sabres must’ve been reading their own press about how faboo their penalty kill is and decided to march a steady stream of players to the penalty box to consistently be on the PK. That plan backfires when Kostitsyn puts his second of the night past Miller. 2-0, Habs.

– Harryism of the night: “The Sabres needed that penalty like a giraffe needs strep throat.” Um…what? Do giraffes even get strep throat?

– Because his teammates aren’t helping him that much tonight, Miller has had to be extra flail-y in net tonight. He’s flinging his body around and flapping around into some positions that would make some gorgeous snow angels if we were outside in the snow. The score doesn’t show it, but Miller is in the zone tonight.

– Ruh roh, the Buffalo bench has been warned by the refs to keep their yaps shut (or at least simmered down) for the rest of the night. Not that Lindy or the boys have ever had profane mouths. Ever. I find it hard to believe that a professional athlete would use profanity in the course of a game. They kiss their mothers with those mouths.

– I think “Goose Woos Statue, Traps Woman” might be one of the funnier headlines I’ve seen lately.

– How is it the guys finally manage to get their ish together while playing on the road but then return home and start playing like piles of puke on toast?

– What is up with all of the odd man rushes and breakaways the Sabres have given up tonight? Have they forgotten how to count? Did someone not get the memo on whether they’re playing a man-to-man or zone tonight?

– So yay, the little buttnuts (TM Katebits via Twitter) managed to score one goal when Connolly did whatever it is that he gets paid lots of money to do. Sorry I don’t have a better description, I was distracted by some Google results. 2-1, Habs.

– Holy flirking schnitt, those idiots did it again as Montador bangs away in the crease to put the puck past Price to tie the game at two with only a few seconds left on the clock. Where the hell was that desperation the rest of the game??

– The PA is playing “Apache” and while Miller is cleaning off his crease before the shootout, for a brief second, it looks like he’s skating in time to the music. I know he’s not, but it would have been hilarious had he been.

– Well eff me. The little morons actually won this thing in a shootout. I was firmly ready to put this one in the L column, but they proved me wrong. This game had that 2006 vibe to it: late comebacks, lucky bounces and some great goaltending. Someone give Miller a steak dinner, a slice of cake and a beer. He deserves it.

– Memo to the morons: you play Ottawa on Friday. This ish ain’t going to fly against them.


Goose Gets Loose for Charity

March 23, 2010

And I thought the Briere Bunch hats were nifty.

Turns out Goose is Loose hats are much better.

And that’s all she wrote.

(What, it’s been a long day. Would you rather I went off about the Caps potential link to steroids? I think not, but just want to stress that hugs not drugs is what’s important, my friends.)


Sabres vs. Canes – 3.21.10

March 21, 2010

– Eric Staal has been very chippy little sumbitch tonight. What I wouldn’t give for Miller just to haul off and whomp him one with his blocker. You know, just because.

– Mr. Vogl reports on Sabres Edge that today is Stormy the Ice Hog’s birthday party, and many a mascot is in attendance to “celebrate” the occasion. Why do the Sabres not do things like this for Sabretooth? I’m not necessarily talking about a fancy party with mascots in attendance, but why do they not promote the mascot more? He’s arguably the least terrifying Buffalo sports mascot (with Billy Buffalo leading Buster by a wide margin for second place), but yet the team doesn’t promote him all that much. There’s no Sabretooth bio on the Sabres site, which leads me to wonder why,  if “Sabretooth” can tweet, why can he not write a quick profile of himself?

– And spring is officially here: I’ve flipped from my flannel Gap satchel to my Vera Bradley tote.

– You guys, I don’t mean to alarm you, but this is the third game in a row where the Sabres have showed up to play hockey in the first period. I…I…I don’t know what to say about this. I’m not used to full game efforts from this lovely bunch of coconuts. Did they finally all come to Jesus on this topic?

– Speaking of coming to Jesus, who lit a fire under Hecht these past two games? He’s been a foxy, goal scoring beast.

– I love springtime afternoon hockey games. The setting sun is streaming in through my front window and my feet are sitting in a pool of warm sunshine. I’m as happy as a clam.

– The NHL debuted their new ad campaign for this year’s playoffs. I like the Bobby Orr ad a lot more than I like the Mario Lemieux ad. Maybe it’s because the Orr ad focuses more on a “specific, iconic moment” than the Lemieux one? Maybe it’s that I have warmer fuzzies for Orr than I do for Unkie Mario? It’s just hard to explain.

– Lydman scores? Toni Lydman? Well eff me. Is it a full moon or something?

– Lil Timmy scores to complete the Timmy scoring category for the evening.

– OriginalRecipeTimmy mentions The System during his intermission interview with Kevin Sylvester. Maybe it’s because the game is going well (and I’m in a fabulous mood), but I’m not minding the obligatory mention of The System. Maybe it’s because they’re actually sticking to The System for a change, who knows.

– You know what else is good about tonight’s game? There is no Sad Trombone playing every five minutes every time a Sabre heads to the penalty box. That s*t was getting old last night.

– Dear Ryan: stop “puck handling” the puck right to the opposition. You know that rarely ends well for you.

– Boo to MSG for cutting away to commercial as Mair and LaRose were going to go at it. What happened that Mair had to go right to the dressing room and sent the Hurricanes onto a four minute power play? Why hasn’t MSG showed a replay? If heads rolled, I want to know about it.


Sabres vs. Bolts – 3.18.10

March 18, 2010

I haven’t done a letter post-it note format in a while and feel the need to ease back into blogging after my hiatus. While I no longer look as bad, my eye is still pretty wonky. But I’m cleared for the office tomorrow, so whoo?!

Dear Sabres,

See what happens when you show up to play hockey in the first period? You score goals. You make fans happy. You make it easier for people to like you. Contrary to popular belief, that first period isn’t a warmup, a stretch or a kiddie funtime. Keep it up, boys!

Dear Starbucks,

Thank you for making next Tuesday free pastry day. Now I have an “excuse” to stop in for a dark cherry mocha.

Dear Pommers,

Have a cookie. Here, have two. Erm three. Your population grew kind of quickly tonight. It takes a lot to keep that kind of momentum going.

Dear Tyler, Toni, Hank and Monty,

God love you for stepping up and playing the lions share of the first period while Rivet was in the box and Butler getting fixed in the locker room. That was a heroic, workmanlike effort out of the four of you, and you even contributed to the offense. Good job, sirs.

Dear Monty,

I apologize for forgetting about you while initially writing the last letter. I only remembered you when I went to the Sabres roster page and checked who the remaining, active, non-Butler/Rivet defenseman was. I felt a bit like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music while she’s saying her prayers the first night she’s working for Christopher Plummer and forgets Kurt’s name. It was a bit of a “god bless what’s his name” moment.

Dear Roy-Z,

Thank you for scoring that shorthanded goal. I like you and your smarm again. The 3-0n-1 while shorthanded was a nice touch.

Dear Ryan,

Excellent save on Vinny LeCavalier during the second period. That’s the Ryan Miller that we all know and love. Welcome back, sir.

Dear Jimmy Fallon,

This is amazing.

And damn, does Sly look like he could be Jeff Probst’s twin. All together now…don’t wake me up, don’t wake me up if I’m dreaming…”

Dear Shout-Song Guy,

Shut up.

Dear Lindy,

Whatever the boys did today, have them do it again before the next game. And the one after that. Tell them that being teases and playing a good game followed by a stinker or two isn’t very nice (or words to that effect).


Can we at least agree that it’s an upper body injury?

March 15, 2010

You might have noticed that I haven’t been posting lately. No, my muse didn’t go off on spring break, but I almost would have preferred if it did. Turns out the sinus infection that I was diagnosed with on Friday wasn’t really a sinus infection at all, but is really shingles. FML.

My left eye is so swollen that it looks like I went 10 rounds with Manny Paquiao and lost. My dad says that the shingle bumps on my forehead make me look like I’m heading to a Star Trek convention as a Klingon.

I didn’t miss any good Sabres hockey, did I?


Fools Rush In Where Angels Fear to Tread

March 8, 2010

Both the NHL and NASCAR have come under fire in the past 24 hours for reasonably blatant – and pretty dangerous – rules violations. The NHL was thrust into the spotlight when Pittsburgh’s Matt Cooke – a player with a history of making questionnable hits – knocked Boston’s Marc Savard into next Tuesday with an ill-advised shoulder to the head. NASCAR made the news when Carl Edwards intentionally wrecked Brad Keselowski as payback for an earlier wreck and sent Kesolowski flipping into the air. Both leagues/sanctioning bodies are going to be under a microscope for their responses to these two incidents.

In the case of the NHL, this is just the latest in a long list of questionnable hits to the head in the past couple of years. We don’t need to read the Reggie Fleming report to know that hits to the head and brain injuries can lead to pretty significant physical and mental issues. The league needs to step up and find its balls and figure out some way to eliminate these massive hits to the head. Why not utilize something similar to the international hockey rules and make a hit to the head and ejectionable offense? Sure, accidental hits will happen, but much like accidentally high sticking someone in the face, you do the crime, you pay the time. It will eliminate some of the more “devasting, crunchy” hits that the hockey purists love, but at the same time it should make players more aware about their surroundings on the ice and their body positions as they skate around. And who knows, it might even improve the game of hockey in the long run.

What sucks is that there is no one answer that will make all the major constituent groups – players, management, media and fans – happy. But I would rather watch a game with less hitting as opposed to a game where a crunching body check leaves someone severely injured, paralyzed, or god forbid, dead.

On the NASCAR side of things, racer Carl Edwards wrecked fellow driver Brad Keselowski as payback for an incident last October. The video of yesterday’s incident can be found HERE, starting at about the :40 mark.What’s so appalling with regards to this situation is that Edwards admitted that it was intentional, and that he didn’t mean for him to get airborne. You see in the video how close Keselowski came to hitting the catch fence. He hits that fence the wrong way and I’d be writing a different blog today.

In the past, NASCAR has almost turned a blind eye to this “rubbin is racin” attitude. However, when one driver blatantly admits that he did something, and the fans, media and drivers are in effect calling for the head of John the Baptist on a platter, they have to do something. On the other hand, if they do something, then they’re seen as “wussying” up the sport formerly occupied by hard drinking and hard living guys. But if a fan or driver gets seriously hurt as a result of a retaliatory effort down the line, NASCAR has a massive liability issue on their hands.

It’s kind of an uncomfortable position between a rock and a hard place, isn’t it?


Sabres vs. Rangers – 3.7.10

March 7, 2010


Sabres Edge posted some further comments from Miller regarding his Olympic experience. I think someone should tell Ralph Lauren that if he needs to include a pamphlet describing how the closing ceremony outfit goes together, then perhaps the outfit is a bit too complicated. What could possibly go on a pamphlet for what appeared to be a relatively simple outfit to the viewer at home? Did the tie need to be tied with a specific knot? The hat set at a predetermined jaunty angle? I think the US Olympic team would be smart enough to realize that you put your pants on one leg at a time and one arm in each sleeve. So why the pamphlet?

– Time to gird up your livers: Sandra Lee has provided cocktail recipes to correlate to each Best Picture Nominee at tonight’s Academy Awards. She made a cocktail to commemorate “Up,” WHICH IS A CHILDREN’S MOVIE. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

– And for what it’s worth, “What Would Brian Boitano Make” is probably the singularly most amazing show on the Food Network.

– Just read on Twitter that Ryan Miller will be on the Today show and other assorted media outlets tomorrow morning. I guess this means he’s not flying back with the team tonight. And unlike a certain member of the Pittsburgh Penguins, Miller is actually fulfilling a request to appear on a nationally broadcast show. (And I don’t doubt that the fact that the Sabres are playing in NYC tonight made fulfilling the request a heck of a lot easier.)

First Period

– The bad thing about using the Rangers feed tonight is that we’re subjected to those annoying ads on the glass behind the goalies. I do not like them (the ads, not the goalies). I think they’re incredibly distracting from the on-ice action, but at the same time, respect the broadcasters decision to take advantage of that seemingly empty space.

– Newsflash: Tyler Myers is young. So is Michael Del Zotto. In other news, water is wet.

– The Sabres still kind of looked like they were twiddling along out there. The Rangers had some solid shots and Miller stopped them all, including a couple of flurries in the crease.

– Newsflash: Chris Drury won the Little League World Series. Also, what happened to Drury’s nose? It looks really swollen and red.

Second Period

– I fully admit that I’m zoning out of this boring game to look at Getty’s red carpet gallery. Initial thoughts:

  • Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep could wear paper sacks and look elegant and amazing.
  • Hello, Mariah Carey’s boobs.
  • Not really a fan of J-lo’s dress. It looks like it’s made from my great grandmother’s dressing gown. And it calls too much attention to her rear.
  • Can someone please give Miley Cyrus a sandwich and some extra material for her top?
  • Not really a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker’s gown and the giant thingy on the front.

– The stage version of “101 Dalmatians” looks like a complete waste of money. Why do people feel the need to turn non-musicals into musicals?

– I’m beginning to forget what it’s like to see the Sabres score. I feel like they’re never going to score again, let alone score on the power play.

– So..erm…yeah. I’m beginning to wonder why I blogged this game. I’m paying attention, but not really paying attention. Well, at least the Sabres have had some solid chances this game and seem to be playing to win, rather than half-assing it out there. (A Sabres team half-assing it? Hard to believe, I know.)

Third Period

– So everyone thinks the Rangers scored, but the play was waived off on an offside call. I’m not sure why no one heard the whistle considering I heard it on the broadcast and for a brief second it looked like Miller eased up and wasn’t his usual speedy self in closing his five hole. (that’s what she said). At least everyone caught on and we were spared the indignity of Lindy blowing his top and being ignored.

– If the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland, why are the inductions held in New York City? Is Cleveland not cool enough?

– Hey Callahan, could you get your crotch out of Miller’s face? There’s really no need to be that close to him on a power play. Remember, you guys were teammates a week ago!

– Whoo! Adam Mair goes to the net (novel concept for a hockey player looking to score, I know) and puts the puck past King Henrik. 1-0, Sabres.

– Who the hell lit a fire under Adam Mair these past two games? If so, can he/she/it go all pyro on the rest of the Sabres, especially those not named Ryan Miller?

– Oh eff me. The Rangers tie the game up on the power play, as Miller can’t beat Dubinsky to a rebound. Tied at 1.

– For the second time in the past three days, the Sabres are going to overtime. Oh joy, oh bliss.


– RJ tells us that the last time the Sabres played the Rangers at MSG, Dubinsky wasn’t playing and was signing autographs for the fans below where RJ was sitting. The only way RJ knows that is because he lent Dubinsky his pen. That’s all well and good, but did Dubinsky give it back?

– Roy got in all alone on King Henrik and shoots it wide. Good job with the aim there, Roy-Z.

– Alrighty Patty K! He bounces the puck off King Henrik’s thigh and the Sabres win. Not only did he score the game winning goal, but he never gave up on the play, starting from when his initial shot went wide right through to when he banked the rebound in. That dogged determination is exactly what we need to see from the rest of the team for the remainder of the season.

– I love seeing happy Sabres celebrating, especially since they all seem to be giving Kaleta a variation of a noogie. Also, I fully expect Lalime to tackle Miller one of these days with how he attacks Miller with his arms open wide and laughy grin.

– So that’s the last bit of hockey until our old friends the Stars come to town on Wednesday.