A Very Sabres ChristmasDecember 18, 2010
We here at Shots Off the Crossbar accidentally came across several letters submitted to Santa by members of the Sabres organization. I feel that I would not be doing my bloggerly duty if I did not share them with you.
Rip Simonick: My very own episode of Dirty Jobs. Forty years of uniform washing, bag schlepping, skate sharpening and player counseling deserves to be spotlighted, right? There’s nothing dirtier than hockey players.
Paul Gaustad: HONKHONK HONK HONK HONK HONK [illegible with a few peck marks] HONK HONKETY HONK. (Editor’s note: Google translator tells me that this is Goose speak for: “I wish that all the Camp Good Days kids that I baked cookies with win their battles with cancer.” As do I Goose, as do I.)
Patrick Kaleta: I want the Harry Potter Lego Hogwarts Castle. Or any of the Indiana Jones Lego sets. Or the Star Wars ones. (Editor’s note: there’s some scribble on here in a decidedly more grown-up hand about wanting Kaleta to bring his toys with him to avoid him playing with something else. Santa, bring him the legos, please!)
Lindy Ruff: an unlimited gift certificate to Napolis. Or Men’s Wearhouse. It takes a lot of clothing to look this good. And after this many years behind the bench, I think I deserve new duds.
Sabretooth: Pants. Why is it that I can wear pants to the Catwalk for Charity, but I can’t wear pants on game night. Do you know how cold a hockey arena gets?
Tyler Myers: Henrik Tallinder. Reggie is nice and all, but I miss Hank.
Darcy Regier: An owner with an unlimited checkbook. (Editor’s note: Darcy, this one might be coming true sooner than you think.)
Tim Connolly: Hair. I’m tired of the Kojak look. (Editor’s Note: there was more, but it involved references to carpeting and drapery. No one needs to go there.)
Craig Rivet: That I could get back on the ice again. The spirit is willing, Santa, but the body just isn’t what it used to be.
Thomas Vanek: an uninterrupted night’s sleep. Do you know what it’s like to have three kids under the age of 3, including infant twins? I didn’t think so. (Editor’s note: Thomas, you might want to wish this for your wife. You can escape to road games. She can’t.)
Ryan Miller: for the league to film a commercial of a child opening a box containing my jersey on Christmas morning. Why should Ovechkin get all the fun?
Patrick Lalime: to play in a game every now and then. I know that I got to play two whole periods the other night, but Santa, doesn’t Ryan deserve a night off every now and then?
Derek Roy: bedazzled Uggs. Oprah listed them as one of her favorite things. If they’re good enough for the most popular woman in the world, then they’re good enough for me. I think they would be a great addition to my wardrobe. (Editor’s note: Part of me wonders why one would need sparkly Uggs and where one would wear them to, but the other part of me thinks that they are just darling.)
Steve Montador: tickets to this summer’s New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys concert tour. It will be so much fun to be Hanging Tough with the Right Stuff. Just make sure, Santa, that you don’t Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely.
Nathan Gerbe: a goal. Uno goal-o. For the love of everything holy, one freaking goal. I don’t care if it bounces in off a goalie’s ass (Editor’s note: You can’t say “ass” to Santa! *facepalm*), I just want the puck to go in the net and the people to cheer. I’m not asking for much, right?
Mike Grier: to finally score on one of those breakaways that I get every now and again.
Editor’s note: I hope the Sabres get all that they ask for and more. As for me, I’d just settle for the playoffs at this point.