Archive for the ‘Paul Gaustad’ Category


What I Did On My Winter Vacation

February 24, 2010

Remember when you were in grade school and you had to write essays about what you did on your summer vacation? What if our favorite Sabres had to do the same thing for this Olympic break, just to prove to Darcy that they were behaving themselves? Here’s a small sample of what would result, gathered through SuperSecretSpy methods.

By “The Goose”


(Editor’s Note:  Google Translator says “Instead of stewing in my bitterness over not making Team USA, I decided to re-dedicate myself to saving the planet, and watched old episodes of Captain Planet. He’s a hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero.”)

By “Drew Stafford”

I went home. I needed to spend more time refining my hybrid Minnesotanadian accent….and have mama do some laundry. Do you know how much laundry has piled up since I was last home? My ride back to Buffalo was diverted to Newark when some little mutant started screaming and its mother wouldn’t shut it up. Since I was already in Jersey, I tried to find that chick from Jersey Shore that looks like Littlefoot. No luck there. Since I was mad, I toilet papered Parise’s front yard to make me feel better. And just so you don’t think I’m a total ass, I fed his pet turtle. Can’t let the pets die while he’s off chasing glory.

By “Derek Roy”

I went to NY Fashion Week. The clothes, the glamour, the lights, the stars. Ooh, it was just the best! I got to meet Michael Kors and Nina Garcia and Heidi Klum! Kors is nearly not as orange in person as he is on Project Runway. I also saw Tyra and the Jays. They were fierce. Tyra told me that I need to work on my smizing. She says smizing is an essential skill. I can already see the signs at HSBC: “Smize for me, Roy-Z!”

Editors Note: I’m sad that Miss Jay will not be at panel on this season of Top Model. Whatever will we do without his giant gimmicks to count down the number of hamsters remaining?

By “Nathan Paetsch”

I updated my resume. I’m not stupid. I’m the eighth defenseman on a seven man rotation. I’ve spent more time this season getting to know the press box staff than skating on the ice.

By “Thomas Vanek”

I spent time playing with my young son. Who knew kids toys had so many parts? And who knew that little parts hurt when you stepped on them. My wife just says be thankful they’re not Barbie shoes. Can someone please tell me what is this Yo Gabba Gabba? And how can a kitchen sponge live under the sea with a squirrel?

By “Chris Butler”

I wanted to make a recipe I saw on The Barefoot Contessa. But was thwarted by not being able to find The Good Vanilla at the grocery store. Why does no one carry this brand? Can I substitute another brand of vanilla? I want to bake, damnit!

By “Tyler Myers”

I grew three more inches and my feet bust through my bedroom wall while I was sleeping. Mairsy and Patty came over to see if they could help me fix the wall, but Mairsy misfired the nail gun and shot a nail through his foot and Patty had to take him to the hospital. Does anyone know a good contractor?

Editor’s note: On a serious note, does anyone know a good contractor in Buffalo? SOtC Estates needs a bathroom reno and needs a quality trustworthy contractor that can install a shower, upgrade some electrical, add an exhaust fan and potentially do some tile work. Drop me an e-mail if you’ve had the good, the bad or the ugly.


Sabres vs. Sharks – How Not to Turn Into Chum

February 13, 2010


– We’re being treated to a ceremony honoring the Sabres Olympians. The little kids interacting with the players were so adorable. I know that they had to give Lindy a jersey to keep the flow of the ceremony going, but how funny would it have been if they would have given him a tie to commemorate his role as a coach during these games?

Now smile for the birdie…

(Bill Wippert/Getty Images)

First Period

– Mother of pearl, why didn’t Lalime play tonight for the Sabres? Give Miller a night off before he’s got to go cross country and play nearly every other day for two weeks.

Deadspin has screencaps of the look of total panic on the Great One’s face as the Fortress of Solitude cauldron was delayed in opening. I think I saw those same panicked looks on his face while he was coach of the Coyotes, only then he was wearing a sweater vest instead of a tracksuit. (Disclaimer: while this story is SFW, you never know what ads and headlines may pop up above and around the story. It is Deadspin after all.)

– Vanek has been noticeable tonight. He had one opportunity where he shot straight at the net and another one where he tried to be fancy dancy and it went nowhere.

– It was nice that the Sabres Sled Hockey players had their USA sweaters presented to them tonight as well, but why were they shunted off to the press room at the arena? They should have been recognized on the ice as well. Sure, they’re not “name” players like Miller and Co., but they do deserve to be recognized for their accomplishments all the same.

– And we have a new participant in the “Let’s Fine Tyler Myers Every Time I Get Asked About Him” game. It’s the Goose! According to this article on Fanhouse, Goose gets $20 every time he answers a Myers question. I was going to say that they need to take it easy on him, but then I checked and Myers is making $1.3 mil this year. At this rate, he may end up forking up enough cash to buy the team dinner…or several rounds of drinks.

This was probably my favorite Q&A from the interview:

Which teammate of yours would you like to be for one day?

I like my teammates a lot, but I’m happy being myself.

In other words, I know too much about these guys to even consider trading places with them, even if it is for a day.

Second Period

– Rivet has a puck go off his stick inches in front of Miller with Heatley and Thornton within striking distance. Miller bails out his captain by falling on the puck.

– WHOO! Goose scores off a nifty pass from Hank! Goose didn’t really have to shoot that puck, it was more of a two-foot tap-in for birdie. 1-0, Sabres.

– Did anyone else notice that Hank jumped into Goose’s arms when the goal went in?

– The good thing about having a fantasy team comprised entirely of Western Conference players? You can still log in at 8pm and set your lineup. Not that this was the first time today I thought about the team or anything.

– Vanek FINALLY scores tonight. That’s his 18th goal of the season and is a backhand shot on a rush off the right wing. 2-0, Sabres.

– It sure sounded to me like RJ just suggested that Roy might want to take a dive and go down while wrapping around the San Jose net on a penalty kill. Not that young Roy-Z has a reputation as a diver or anything.

– Pommers gets credit for a pretty wacky goal that actually goes in off Wallin in the Sharks crease. 3-0, Sabres.

– Who the eff are these Sabres and where have they been the past two weeks? Fans were this close to putting them on milk cartons and/or sending the lot of them out of town for a roll of half used tape and a printer cartridge. I know the Sharks are a dangerous team and I shouldn’t be counting my chickens before they’ve hatched, but I can’t help but feel optimistic.

Third Period

– What happened to Stafford on Twitter? Has social media been banned by the team? Did the furries steal his phone?

– All hell breaks loose behind Nabokov as Lil Timmy gets roughed up by Mitchell for daring to breathe the same air as Nabokov. Mair rushes in to defend Kennedy and the rest of the Sharks and Sabres on the ice jump in to the fun as well. What made it funny was that while two of the refs were working to separate Kennedy and Mitchell, the other ref was standing there yelling that all the other players need to move to away from the action and to the other side of the ice. Yeah, like that’s going to happen.

– San Jose scores on an odd man rush as Huskins shot goes in under Miller’s arm on the short side. 3-1, Sharks.

– It’s been a long time since I’ve heard Sweet Caroline played at the arena.

– The U-S-A! U-S-A! chant coming from the fans while the play goes on in the San Jose zone is something else. What a nice encouragement for Miller.

– At least they didn’t go 0-for-February!


– Hey, at least the Sabres aren’t in 5th anymore. 3rd place has a much better ring to it.

– If I may wade into the shallow end of the pool for a moment, Miller appears to have gotten a very flattering pre-Olympic haircut. It works for him.

– With the next game not until March 2nd, it might be quiet around here, unless all hell breaks loose at the Olympics or one of our little darlings does something stupid over break and it makes the news. K-Syl was reading my mind and snarked that if something happens, we’ll find out about it on YouTube. (That’s not a hint or a request, boys.)

– Rayzor reports that the players are off until a week from Wednesday (which is the 24th), where they will then start practicing without Lindy and any players that are still in Vancouver. I think this is the first confirmation we’ve had from anyone about what the official Olympic break timeline is.


Sabres vs. Caps – 12.9.09

December 9, 2009

First Period

Oh, the weather outside is frightful…and I hope I have power and internet for the rest of the night. The wind is whipping mightily outside beautiful SOtC Estates, but there is no snow yet. On the positive side, at least my laundry is done so I have clean pants to wear to work tomorrow. I will be 19 kinds of pissed if the power goes off before 11pm. Tonight is the final episode of Glee until April and the Top Chef finale. (On a related Glee note, I think it’s incredible that Barry Manilow is slated to guest star in the spring and Idina Menzel is in talks as well. I’ve been humming “Copacabana” and “Over The Moon” since I read about these two on EW. Talk about an odd juxtaposition. Heh.)

– Per Mike Harrington, Sekera and his wonky ankle are in, Paetsch is again relegated to the origami swan factory in the press box with Goose and Butler. (While we’re on the subject of scratches, has there been any word on Mama Grier? Thoughts and prayers are with her and the entire Grier family.)

– Miller is again starting in goal tonight.

– Montador rips a shot from the point and it gets past Theodore. There is initially some discussion about whether Gerbe tipped it, but the goal is credited to Montador. 1-0, Sabres.

– I love the Honda commercial that shows the dog race in the snow. The dogs look so happy to be out running.

– Per the Sabres Twitter feed, Teppo is in the press box tonight, doing some scouting for the Finnish national team.

– And for the love of pete, Princess Permapout (aka Danica Patrick) hasn’t even raced in NASCAR yet and she’s already been named the second most powerful woman in the sport? Eff me. If I were Delana Harvick or Kelley Earnhardt Elledge, I’d have a thing or six to say about that. I need a “roll eyes” smiley right about now.

– Vanek makes a nice play by going after Ovechkin rather than the puck and manages to distract Ovie into turning over the puck in the Buffalo zone. Very nice play, TV.

Second Period

– A wonderful stat flashes on the screen that the Caps are 2-0 when trailing after 1. Oh goody.

– Pommers fans on a gorgeous scoring opportunity on a wide open net after the puck takes a little hop shortly before it arrives to him from Lydman. Lydman, for his part, did a wonderful little dipsy doodle to keep from turning over the puck.

– I’m cracking up at the photo on Getty showing Ovie and Backstrom sitting on a dumpy old couch in the bowels of HSBC Arena watching their teammates play soccer. These two guys looks like they’re sitting on something that should be found in the basement of Faber College’s Delta House.

– Gerbe deflects the puck off of Theodore. 2-0, Sabres.

– Great8 – or Grape Ape, as he is known in other parts of the internet – is sent off for diving. Roy-Z is sent off for tripping. Oh, the irony, as our sweet little Roy-Z is usually the one sent off for diving.

– Tallinder buries the puck in the net after a coast to coast rush. I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in. Better now? Please note that this is Tallinder’s second goal of the season and it again featured a real live goalie in the net. It’s still not the awesomest goal Tallinder has ever scored, though.

3-0, Sabres.

– As the period ends, Harry Neale is waxing poetic about the Sabres 2-0 lead and how if they hold onto it, they’ll win. RJ just calmly butts in and tells Harry that it’s 3-0, that it’s alright that he goofed up, since the Sabres scored no goals on Monday night.

Third Period

– The Acme Brain Trust known as “The Whip” is debating whether or not Marty Brodeur is the greatest goalie ever. While this is a great discussion topic, it’s  I’m pretty sure that Patrick Roy’s introduction at the Montreal Centennial ceremony made reference to him being the best goalie ever. And you really can’t argue about Hasek’s prowess in net. But, if you boil it down to statbits and records, then you have a compelling argument to name Marty the best goalie ever. It is a matter of opinion and personal preference. While I think Goose may be the heart and soul of the Sabres, there are others out there for whom Goose is not their cup of tea.

– Wow, another fanfuckingtastic save from Miller comes while I’m off reading one of my high school classmate’s articles on (I’m not bitter. No. I’m. Not.) Miller swept across the crease to grab the puck and ends up sliding onto his back like a turtle that’s been flipped over onto it’s shell.

– I feel like tonight has been a good team effort. While Vanek has missed a couple of quality opportunities, there’s been great goaltending, solid play from the defense and decent play from the forwards.

– In case you haven’t seen it, here’s the annual “Gaustad bakes cookies with the kiddos” video. We do need to have a discussion regarding his choice of headwear. Yankees apparel is unacceptable, unless he is wearing a Yankees hat so that he doesn’t dirty up any of the hats of his favorite team?

– It is now snowing at SOtC Estates.

– The game ends with Miller getting an honest to goodness shutout and not a “Ryan Miller shutout.” I like games that end with a real shutout and not a Crunchy special. It’s a nice rebound from the 3-0 shutout the boys endured the other night.

Now onto the Blackhawks on Friday…


Coldfallo v. Philly – 11.27.09

November 27, 2009

Brief thoughts after the carnage in Philly today.

– The Sabres played a very physical game today. They matched Philly hit for hit and snarl for snarl.

– At the end of the second period, I was amused by how Miller just stood calmly in his crease and looked on while all blessed hell was breaking out in the corner to his left. With how ornery both sides were today, I was half expecting Miller and Emery to get into it at some point. We know Emery has dropped the gloves before, and I’m genuinely curious about how Miller would do in a fight. We’ve seen his temper flare before, but never escalate to an all out physical fight.

– Nice job by Rivet in engaging in not one, but two fights with that little bastidge Carcillo. It was hysterical how Carcillo was sent to the dressing room to serve out his misconduct penalty because he just would not shut the eff up. I lost track of how many times the refs and his teammates came over and told him to STFU.

– Kaleta’s hit was ugly and will probably get him a suspension, mainly because he has a reputation of being an agitator and a shit-stirrer. Meanwhile, so-called league “superstars” get away scott free for similar-type hits. Reputation or status shouldn’t be a consideration for determining the length or qualifications for a suspension. We’ll have to see how long Colin Campbell drops the hammer for.

– Continuing with the ugly theme, Rivet’s crash into the boards certainly was ugly. Here’s to hoping nothing was seriosuly broken, sprained, injured or wrecked.

– Ugly: Part 3 – way to stay klassy, Philly Phans, booing Rivet as he left the ice. I know you’ve booed Santa in the past, so I should expect nothing less, but seriously. No stick taps for you on that one.

– Who woke up Timmy this game? Did the boys all chip in and get him a present? Was Daddy Timmy along for the ride and offering encouragement? As RJ and Harry both said, when Timmy shoots the puck, good things happen. Goose’s tip-in of Timmy’s shot was also a thing of beauty.

– While I was off picking up my mother from work, I was listening to the postgame show and Paul Hamilton interviewed Timmy. He said that he and Miller discussed Timmy’s accidental tip of the Flyers shot that got past Miller. They both agreed there was nothing that either one of them could have done on that one. I’d like to know at just how loud of a volume this agreement took place at. Heh.

– The Sabres dads were absolutely adorable. You could tell that their sons were a little apprehensive about them being on camera and accidentally revealing something embarassing. There were also a few sons who didn’t fall far from the family tree, if you know what I mean. The resemblance between Myers and his dad and even Pommers and his dad was uncanny. Now will the Sabres take their mommies along on a road trip? That could be priceless and show that the Sabres are equal opportunity experience sharers.

–  Can we just order a bionic lower body for Goose? The Sabres are going to miss his kickass faceoff skills if he’s going to be out for awhile.

– In case anyone is wondering, the Sabres store has Myers t-shirts. I am now the proud owner of one. And that’s my story.


Candid Camera

October 23, 2009

H/T to for posting the game night intro video on I’m going to wade into the shallow end of the pool for a moment.

gooseandganderLook at their matching injuries – Stafford’s lip scrape and Gaustad’s beak scrape. It’s pre-season and these guys are already beat up.

– The #KyleWellwoodIsSoFat meme that broke out on Twitter was cracking me up for most of the afternoon. Could you imagine some of the ones that could be done for the Sabres?

  1. Derek Roy is so fashionable that…
  2. Tim Connolly is so injured that…
  3. Ryan Miller is so skinny that…
  4. Paul Gaustad is so environmentally conscious that…
  5. Jason Pominville is so adorable that…

I promise some actual hockey content tomorrow as I recap the Battle of the Crunchies live from my very own sofa. (On a somewhat related note, it’s pretty hilarious that Tampa has pronunciation guides on their player roster for names as simple as Drew Miller. How the heck would you mispronounce that?)


Sabres vs. Islanders – 10.16.09

October 16, 2009

First Period

– I’m kind of sad that Marty Biron isn’t starting for the Islanders tonight, but he’s promised the media that he’s going to be a Chatty Charlie on the bench towards whatever Sabres play D or forward on the left hand side. Of course, it’s all fun and games for Marty until someone chucks a puck at his head.

– WHOOO!!! Tyler Myers gets his first NHL goal as he calmly skates in front of Dwayne Roloson and pokes the puck past Rollie the Goalie. 1-0, Sabres.

– I hope someone got the puck for Myers. That’s going to make a nice memento of tonight’s game.

– Harry Neale-ism: “Glass is a defenseman’s best friend.” (Pause). “At the rink, at least.” Oy.

– Clarke MacArthur scores on a penalty shot after he gets hauled down while on a clear breakaway towards Rollie. Harry Neale somehow manages to mixup MacArthur and Myers at this point in the game. While both may be empty-headed, but loveable, they’re not really that interchangeable. 2-0, Sabres.

– WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. Miller gets steamrolled by Jackman, and Gaustad immediately leaps to his goalie’s defense and starts beating the ever loving snot out of Jackman. And this is not a petty Andrew Peters type fight. This is an all out whomping. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Goose in that much of a snit before, but I can’t help liking it. I mean, that’s the kind of action that needed to be taken after the whole Gomez situation last year.

– I still maintain that the Ryan Miller ice cream party contest should be expanded to offices with the mentality of 5-8th graders. Only after how cold my office was today, I’d like to substitute a hot chocolate and cookies party for the prize. Would that work?

– How is it that the Islanders are so bad at hockey but so good on the penalty kill? It really does not compute.

– Hecht has been playing pretty well this period. He’s had a couple of shots go off the post and has been reasonably solid defensively. I think that once that first puck goes in the net, it will all be downhill from there (in a good way).

Second Period

– Stafford pulls out a spinorama in the Islanders zone. How long has it been since we’ve seen a spinorama during a Sabres game?

– Pommers inadvertently shot the puck after a whistle and has practically all of the Islanders on the ice attack him. As a result, one of the Islanders heads to the box for being the lead bully in this situation. Timmy spins out of the corner on the ensuing power play and gently wrists one past Rollie. 3-0, Sabres.

– On a related note, I’m glad that the Sabres are again using “Beautiful” by Flickerstick as their goal celebration song. It’s such a great, upbeat song. Download it. You won’t be disappointed.

– The Islanders score while I’m getting some cookies and refreshing my beverage. 3-1, Sabres.

– It’s about damned time! Jochen Hecht goes five hole on Rollie the Goalie. My cousin Rachel is now getting the vapors. As a result, Marty Biron prepares to exit the French Canadian Backup Goaltender Comedy Zone on the bench and replace Rollie. He’s given a tremendous round of applause by the fans. 4-1, Sabres.

– Based on that photo on Getty Images, Mrs. Paille and Mrs. Lalime are gorgeous. This month might be the only time that pink jerseys are socially acceptable at sporting events.

– Miller, you know I love you, but you’re totally fired after getting pwned by Tavares on that one. 4-2, Sabres.

– In another flurry, Tallinder saves Miller’s bacon as he deflects another Tavares shot away from the wide open net.

– The Sabres gave up 19 shots in this period. While they’re still in the lead, that period was a bit of a hot mess.

Third Period

– Yawn. I’m feeling extremely sleepy right now. I think the Buffalo Spree article about the “turf battle” between Buffalo News/Artvoice/WNY Media/Buffalo Rising about did me in. I only made it halfway through. I do want to finish the article though.

– Marty is completely pwning Hecht tonight. He just made the 3rd or 4th solid save on Hecht. Then again, the Sabres are shooting solidly on Biron’s chest and not towards the five hole or open areas of the net.

– Gaustad riffs one off Marty’s shoulder and the crossbar and sends it out of play. It was a nice shot, if slightly misguided.

– I think the 11:40 mark of the 3rd was the first time I’ve heard Roy’s name tonight. Where has the little fashion plate been all night?

– Well eff me. Patrick Kaleta now has more goals than Roy and Pommers. While I’m glad that Patty is scoring, Pommers and Roy need to start scoring and start scoring quickly. They’re not the young little pups who can get by on their adorability. They need to start putting up or shutting up. 5-2, Sabres.

– The Islanders score to make it 5-3, Sabres.

– Fuck. Miller’s making like a reverse snow angel on the ice and is slow at getting up. I think he’s ok, he had this kind of sheepish smile on his face when he was pulling himself up to his knees. I don’t know much about coaching hockey, but I really think this is a sign that Lalime should play tomorrow night against Atlanta. I mean, Miller’s played five games already. Let’s let Lalime have a turn.

– Oh god, Neale’s quirkiness is affecting RJ, as he’s now mixing up Gaustad and Pominville.

– I don’t ice skate, but I think I would have more oomph in my step on the ice than the Sabres during this third period. It’s like they’ve gone into cruise control mode, which is incredibly dangerous against and Islanders team that has proven they’ve got some skip in their step tonight.

– Finally, the population of Pominville increases by one. This is Pommers 100th career NHL goal and 256th consecutive game. 6-3, Sabres.

– I can hear the crowd doing the “We Want Seven” cheer in the background. I love that cheer.

– Well, the Sabres won, but it was a fun, ugly win. They need to work on not trying to coast the remainder of the game. I know it’s baby steps and the season is still early, but October points will help later on in the season.


Hitting Him Over the Head…Hard

September 22, 2009

– Why do I have the feeling that Lindy has done everything short of beat Derek Roy over the head with a goalie paddle to emphasize that he needs to stick to the system and not turn everything into a fancy-schmancy pretty play clinic? And judging from this quote, it sounds like Roy-Z may be ready to run in the opposite direction whenever he sees Lindy coming.

We’ve talked about it in Zurich, we talked about it in Bern, we talked about it in Calgary, I’ve had a lot of time with Derek.

Lindy’s like that bad cold that Roy just can’t shake.

I also like that Paul Hamilton elaborates on Roy’s (ahem) maturity and how he needs to grow into a leader. I can’t help but wonder if Roy was taken to the woodshed by the organization after those photos hit Deadspin last year. It also probably doesn’t help matters that the second item on Google’s helpful list of potential search queries is “Derek Roy drunk.”

Time will tell if Young Grasshopper Roy-Z (oh hell, now he’s Old Grasshopper Roy-Z) will rise to the level at which he needs to perform both on-and-off the ice.

– I didn’t watch the game last night (bad feed + headache + gymnastics needed to run earbuds to laptop = chaos), but judging by the presence of the “Free Goose” tags on Twitter, it sounds like Mr. Gaustad was unjustly punished while some other dudes got away with things. Also, I did like the fact that it sounds like he stood up for a teammate. If that carries over to the regular season, I’ll be happy. We can argue that toughness and stick-up-for-your-teammate-ness was decidedly missing from the team these past two years.

– And I just ordered the NHL Network. Hopefully I’ll be able to do a semi-live blog(ish) of tomorrow night’s Sabres/Leafs game. I’ll catch up on ANTM and Top Chef afterward.