Archive for the ‘Things That Sucked’ Category


Can we at least agree that it’s an upper body injury?

March 15, 2010

You might have noticed that I haven’t been posting lately. No, my muse didn’t go off on spring break, but I almost would have preferred if it did. Turns out the sinus infection that I was diagnosed with on Friday wasn’t really a sinus infection at all, but is really shingles. FML.

My left eye is so swollen that it looks like I went 10 rounds with Manny Paquiao and lost. My dad says that the shingle bumps on my forehead make me look like I’m heading to a Star Trek convention as a Klingon.

I didn’t miss any good Sabres hockey, did I?


The Calm Before the Storm – Sabres vs. Pens 3.2.10

March 2, 2010

So tonight is the last game before the trade deadline. Will this mark the last time that we see one of the boys in the blue and gold? Will we be bidding adieu to Clarke MacArthur or Drew Stafford, but saying hello to Biron or Ponikarovsky?

Heads up for tomorrow. The boys over at The Goose’s Roost are running what can best be described as a Buffalo Blog Block Party for tomorrow’s trade deadline day. Most of your favorite Sabres bloggers and other tweeps will show up at various points throughout the day tomorrow, so stop by. We can all commiserate together when Darcy trades Sabretooth for a case of Labatts or a Zamboni battery, or when Rip Simonick gets traded for a mystery Roll Up the Rim to Win Cup.

Here’s the link to the blog, if you’re so inclined…
Trade Deadline Mega Live Blog

ETA: If the linky no-worky for you, then head to The Goose’s Roost itself to join in on the fun.

But back to matters at hand.

I’m excited to have Sabres hockey back. I was ready for the Olympic break. The Sabres just weren’t playing to their full potential. We needed a break. It wasn’t me, it was them. But that’s over now. The boys in blue and gold are back, as are my scintillating in-game thoughts.

– Watching the pregame media scrum with Miller, he’s rocking the hell out of that tweed newsboy cap. Everytime I see him in one, I start humming either Seize the Day” or “Carrying the Banner.” (Do you know how difficult it is to find reasonably decent Newsies clips? And do you know how difficult it is to get Newsies songs out of your head? But all of that is outweighed by how quickly a Newsies – or any Disney song, really – can flip a bad mood into a good one.)

– I’m distracted from Henrik Tallinder’s bad, over-gelled comb back (it’s not really a come over) by Patrick Lalime appearing to dance to his own beat during the Star Spangled Banner. Seriously, dude was not in rhythm. Then again, Miller was standing off to the side with his hands knotted together and this look on his face like he’s the little kid standing outside the confessional for the first time. (Bless me father for I have sinned…)

– With all the trade conversations going on today, I’d be sad to see Tallinder leave. I think he’s resuscitated his career since being paired with Myers. It would be a shame to break up what is probably the Sabres best defensive pairing. And really, at the beginning of the season, did anyone expect these two to be the hot pair?

– Gonchar gets one past Lalime on the power play after the Pens put a lot of pressure on the Sabres in their own zone. I have no idea what the Sabres penalty was, but it was probably something stupid like not saying “God bless you” and handing over a tissue when Crosby sneezed. Despite giving up that one goal, Lalime has looked quite good tonight. It’s the rest of the boys that seem to be stuck in Cabo. 1-0, Pens.

– Per the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Lindy was booed pre-game and Miller was given quite the thunderous ovation.

– This waffle breakfast sandwich from Dunkin Donuts looks gross. America runs on Dunkin, but probably not in the way they want us to.

– I did not miss the Cellino & Barnes pop-up ads. The concept of the ad is cool, but I think it’s the content of the ads that’s bothering me.

– Do we think Miller wishes he could have smuggled Parise/Kesler/Kane or anyone else on Team USA back with him for the Sabres? I’m hopeful someone’s jammed in a suitcase and is going to be released once they’re back in Buffalo later tonight.

– Dupuis gets another one past Lalime. 2-0, Pens.

– Lydman fires one from the point to make it 2-1, Pens.

– The ice mics appear to be turned up to full blast tonight. I’m hearing a lot of dialogue that I probably shouldn’t be hearing.

– TSN is reporting that Ponikarovsky is going to Pittsburgh for a prospect named Luca Caputi. This is noteworthy only because I like the name Luca. It’s one you don’t hear very often.

– Sign you watch too much HDTV: you try to type in the HD channel numbers on an SD TV and get confused why you’re watching YES when you really want ABC.

– Aww, Miller just compared his next six weeks to being that of an infant: eating, sleeping and hydrating. K-Syl gently corrects him by saying that he forgot one other thing that infants do. To his credit, Miller didn’t blanch at that statement. But could eat/sleep/hydrate become the Sabres version of the Jersey Shore’s motto of gym/tan/laundry? Miller also mentioned that he wouldn’t mind winning silver twice in one year. You go Crunchy. You just might make silver every Buffalonian’s favorite color.

– Oh lord, at the start of the third period, only Pommers and Goose have more than one shot on goal. Nothing against Goose, but he’s not exactly an offensive juggarnaut that you want as your leading (or second leading) shot taker for the night.

– These Sabres can’t hit the broad side of an effing barn tonight. They need help.

– If I promise to eat all my vegetables, clean my room, finish my homework and walk the dog will I get Olympic hockey back and/or a Sabres trade?

– Goose “fights” Rupp and goes off cradling his hand after the fight. To be fair, we can’t tell if the injury comes from the “fight” or when Goose tumbles down onto the ice and appears to jam his hand. For the love of Pete, please don’t let it be broken. Injuries to key character guys are not kosher with 20 games left…unless it’s some heinous ploy by Goose to avoid being traded to Carolina for some barbecue.

– Fedotenko scores the third Pittsburgh goal, doinking it off the water bottle on the top of the net. 3-1, Pens.

– Roy dents the twine in the back of the Pittsburgh net. However, the puck does the old speedy in & out t that the play needs to be reviewed. Upon further review, it’s a good goal. 3-2, Pens.

– Set fire to the room, Darcy. Do it now.


Sabres vs. Blue Jackets – 2.6.10

February 6, 2010

Random babble from tonight’s game

– Repeat after me, Sabres: “Sound defensive hockey is fundamental.” Learn it. Love it. Be it.

– A goal from center ice? Just kill me now. The goal going off the glass and off Lalime’s feet just reminds me of those old Michael Jordan commercials where they try to ricochet shots off various objects.

– A fight! A fight! How long has it been since a Sabre has fought?

– Why do Lindy Ruff’s ties always look like they could be turned into Vera Bradley purse patterns? That said, I’d love a purse in the purple swirly pattern of tonight’s tie.

– Lindy’s hair looks exceptionally bright on this camera feed, like a cross between day-glo yellow and hay.

– I feel like the Sabres and I need a break. It’s not me, it’s them.

It’s also really bad form to injure your own teammates, Sabres. I don’t care if it’s only a tiny cut on Grier’s schnozz, it’s still bad form!

– This intermission feature on the Buffalo Sabres sled hockey team and it’s athletes heading to the Paralympic games is really cool. Sled hockey looks like it would be a ton of fun to play and these guys have to have some massive upper body strength.

– If they’re not going to care, I’m not going to care either. Friday’s General Hospital is awfully tempting on the DVR.

– And just when I say that, Stafford goes and fights Umberger. It’s like he knew that one of my weaknesses is seeing players that aren’t fighters go and drop the gloves. I can’t believe that one punch made Umberger’s ear bleed.

– I really feel bad for the people that drove hours to see this dreck of a game.

– I know that the broadcasters are contractually obligated to do the sponsored game recaps, but do we really have to recap the suck?

– At least the Sabres getting shut out means Mason finally pulled his weight for the Pea Brains.

– Tuesday’s game against Boston has the potential to be the Battle of the Suck. I love games that are full of suck! [/sarcasm]


Sabres vs. Hurricanes – 2.5.10

February 5, 2010


– Best wishes to Mike Robitaille, who is out until after the Olympics due to a car accident.

– This week has seen three interesting search terms be used to find my blog:

  • “What kind of cheese is Brodeur?” Well, he’s a goalie, and goalies are bendy and stretchy, like mozzarella. But what do I know of the Devils and cheese? Is there even a cheese that sounds like Brodeur?
  • “Is it alright to slap your Staffy?” That depends. Has he taken a stupid penalty? Played bad defense? Hit on your best friend at the bar? If any of the above are true, then yes, you may slap your Staffy.
  • “Lindy Ruff weight gain.” You’ve seen how the Sabres have been playing lately, right? I wouldn’t blame him if he turned to my old friends Ben & Jerry for consolation.

First Period

– Yo, MSG HD. Get thee some sound, please. I’m stuck watching this game on the SD channel until you get it figured out. How the heck did we watch hockey before HD came along? The picture differences are amazing.

– Manny Legace is starting despite taking a slapshot to the neck in warmups. Yeoch.

– The Sabres and the Hurricanes trade penalties in the early going as Grier and Staal both go off for hooking within seconds of each other.

– @BNHarrington reports that the NHL fixed the broken HD camera at the arena. To paraphrase Glee’s Puck, that and a can of soup will get us the postseason.

– Aaron Ward scores to make it 1-0 Hurricanes. Harry Neale tells us that the shot was from about 19-feet out, though I’m not sure how he came up with that precise number.

– For the love of everything holy, the Sabres are a hot mess right now. The vast majority of the game is being spent in the Buffalo end.

– Hecht deflects a shot by Sekera to tie the game at one. Like Ward on the Carolina goal, Hecht had no one around him. Both teams need to speak with Count Von Count about remembering to count to five to make sure everyone on the other team is covered. (“Five! Five! Five hockey players on the ice!”)

Second Period

– Sunday is the Puppy Bowl (now with the kitty halftime show, bunny cheerleaders and the hamster blimp). I fully admit that if the Super Bowl gets boring, I will be flipping over to the puppies. I can’t believe this show has been on for six years already, and that it’s one of Animal Planet’s highest rated programs.

– And again with the dual penaties. Shortly after Carolina gets called for too many men, Myers gets called for cross checking. And then Stafford gets called for slashing. If there were ever a time to slap your Staffy, it would be now.

– Twitter tells us that the audio HD problems cannot be fixed tonight. So standard def it is then. At least we’re seeing something, I suppose.

– The Hurricanes are called for hooking. Any bet that the Sabres will get a penalty called on them in the next 30 seconds?

– What do I win? Myers gets called for interference shortly thereafter. This retaliatory penalty nonsense is a bit over the top.

– Yo-Yo tries an around the world maneuver to attempt to put the puck in a wide open Carolina net. Luckily, the Hurricanes skaters are adept at covering for their down goalie, so the puck does not go in.

– There is a child waving a hot magenta sign to the right of Legace. If it’s this distracting and bothersome to me here on my sofa, just how annoying is it to the players?

Third Period

– Nice job on that Carolina goal, boys. Rob Ray is pissed at you. Stop relying on the ends of your sticks and move your feet, or so he says.

– WHOO! Stafford ricochets a shot off Roy’s ass and into the net. This goal just proves that junk in the trunk is a good thing. We’re now tied at two.

– Continuing the junk in the trunk theme, Stafford’s point shot rebounds up in the air and comes down inside the net thanks to a beautiful bounce of Legace’s tushie. 3-2, Sabres.

– Boo-urns. Kostopolous scores to tie it at 3. The goal was just a result of an epic miscommunication fail between Gaustad, Butler, Sekera and Lil Timmy.

– There’s a moment on the bench where Sekera is playing with his mouthguard, but the way he has it puckered in his lips make it look like he’s gone all Goth on us and is sporting black lipstick.

– Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, Miller completely whiffs on a Jokinen shot, giving Carolina a 4-3 lead.

– Looking at the stat sheet, Miller, Goose, Grier, Kennedy and Myers are fired.

– Huzzah! The crowd actually booed. I feel like booing, but it loses its effect when I do it on my own in the living room.


– The Sabres have lost seven of their last nine. That’s encouraging as they head into the Olympic break. Real effing encouraging. I want Miller to sit for a game or two before Vancouver. We know that it’s highly probably that Miller is getting a night off tomorrow against the Blue Jackets. I also want to see some of the other guys take a seat in the press box. Kennedy and Montador have been brutal these past couple of games. Sekera has had the odd mistake or two, but he’s been a lot better than Montador. And it may be the purple elephant in the middle of the locker room, but maybe Butler needs to take a seat for a game? Can Paetsch really be worse than either Butler or Montador? And that’s the end of my armchair player management.

– What the hell happened during Hank’s interview that caused him to burst out laughing?

– Miller says his whiff on the Jokinen goal was not a good example of hand-eye coordination. That’s the deadpan understatement of the year. Miller looks like he wants to scream, cry or tell a reporter to shove that microphone somewhere. And he also looks like he needs a good nap and a home cooked meal.

– And really, all of the outrage and frustration that we as Sabres fans feel tonight is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Thoughts and prayers go out to Brian Burke and his family on the loss of Brendan. Eternal rest, grant unto him oh Lord and let perpetual light shine upon him.


Sabres vs. Senators – 2.3.10

February 3, 2010


– In the words of a Sabre (I think it was Adam Mair), we hate these effing guys.  This game is big. How big, division leading big. The Sabres have a five point lead on the Sens. A win tonight maintains that lead. A loss shrinks it to three. A regulation tie puts it at 4. The Sabres need to dig down deep and find that game winning, super talented, hard working mojo that seems to have escaped them recently.

– Is it too much to hope that the Sens are hungover from their visit to City Wine Merchant? And consider that a plug for a nice business downtown owned by the husband of a co-worker.

First Period

– Rob Ray is in the booth tonight, as Mike Robitaille has the night off. Unless it’s to make working the intermission shows easier, I don’t see why Ray is in the booth instead of his usual perch between the benches. He’s clearly playing third banana to Harry Neale’s second garbanzo (one of my favorite MASH references).

– I know the Sabres have beaten Ottawa since then, but the last Sabres victory I seem to remember against the Sens the game when Goose darn near sliced his leg tendons in two a couple of years ago.

– Ryan Miller’s net top water bottle is in a koozie! That’s hilarious and practical at the same time. Has his bottle always been in one of these? I swear that’s the first time I’ve ever noticed that.

– I use the first commercial break to check what my name means on urban dictionary. Thankfully, the first meaning is not the one made popular in the Britney Spears song “If You Seek Amy.” Heh.

– Sabretooth is making some friends in the lower bowl on the camera side of the ice. How cool would it have been if ‘Tooth had been able to be at Casa on Monday night? Sure, we wouldn’t have been able to move at all due to ‘Tooth’s girth taking up a good deal of space, (I’m not calling ‘Tooth fat, just fluffy), but mascots are fun, and we’re all ‘Tooth fans.

– The Sabres are maintaining a consistent pressure on the Sens, especially in the Sens end.

– We take a moment to extensively review some film of a Sabres shot that may or may not have crossed the Sens goal line. MSG uses some super slow mo, high zoom technology to show what blurrily looks like a goal. The broadcasting trio is like the three bears in terms of the decision, Ray says no goal, Harry says goal and RJ says you can’t tell. It’s all for naught, as the word comes down from on high that it’s not a goal. Lindy is shaking his head quite emphatically on the bench when the ruling is made. As I’m thinking about why there’s no overhead view of this situation, would it have done any good? The crossbar effectively hides the goal line from higher up, and with how close the puck was to the goal line, would the powers in Toronto have been able to see anything that would make a difference?

– Ellis gets called for the first penalty of the game on a borderline tripping call. The Sabres run one heck of a penalty kill, almost getting a shorthanded goal and icing the puck four times in the two minutes.

– Fun stat: Gaustad is tied with Rod “The Schnozz” Brind’Amour for fourth in the league in faceoff percentage.

– That was one of the better periods we’ve seen the Sabres play in a while. If they can maintain that effort in the second and third, they just might have a shot at winning this game.

Second Period

– The Sabres begin the period a man down, as Pominville is sent to the box for high sticking at the end of the first.

– Miller makes a save on a bouncy shot from the left side of the crease. It really wasn’t so much a save as the puck splatting down on the ice and Miller sitting on it.

– Tyler Myers is no longer a teenager. One more year and he can legally join his teammates for a night of frolicking on the town. (The key word there is “legally.” I know these guys aren’t choir boys.)

– Since there was another coaching change today (Columbus said bye-bye to Hitchcock), that means Lindy has outcoached approximately eleventy-seven-million-jillion other coaches since he took over the Sabres. Do you think he has a whiteboard hidden somewhere labeled “I Survived Longer Than…” that contains all the names of the coaches that have come and gone?

I like Hitchcock. Not only did he look like Sgt. Schultz, but he gave an entertaining press conference or two in his time. We all remember the one where he told Lindy to eff off.

– Son of a…Spezza goes short side on Miller. 1-o, Sens.

– Miller got run by Phillips behind the net and for a smidgen of a second, I really thought Miller was going to go after Phillips and start whomping away on him. Miller started after him, but then appeared to have regained his sanity and headed back to the crease. Myers jumps in to defend his goalie and gets a two minute roughing penalty for his efforts. When all is said and done, the Sabres are on the power play as Phillips gets an additional two minute roughing penalty for his efforts. What’s interesting is that Myers is all hepped up over Miller’s plight, but Stafford almost has an air of “meh, this jackass [Phillips] ain’t worth it.”

– During the ensuing power play, Pominville takes several shots from a position just shy of the red line to the left of the net. Now I’m no hockey player, but taking shots when you’re positioned almost parallel to the net is probably not the best thing in the world to do.

Third Period

ESPN has an interesting article discussing professional athletes at the Olympics. I know this debate rages everytime there’s an Olympics, as the NBA and NHL shut down to allow their players to participate in the games. However, the writer gets Miller’s take on the whole situation. The last sentence of the article is key. He wants this. He wants his moment. He wants to be “the guy”, not the guy “the guy” counts on.

And if you’re too lazy to click through to the article, we can cross parasailing, paragliding, skiing and motorcycle riding off the list of Ryan Miller’s contractually approved activities. (Duh!) But I liked that he contrasted how those kinds of risky activities aren’t allowed, but the Olympics are allowed, despite being just as much of a threat to his livelihood as the aforementioned activities. A groin pull at the Olympics can be just as devastating as a tumble off a Harley.

– Oh for the love of Goose, will he just beat the snot out of Neil already?

– Effing A. Spezza goes right over the glove of Miller. 2-0, Sens.

– These little monsters are doing their damndest to work away the good mood I had at the end of the day today. They’re all fired. Or they owe me cookies or flowers for sitting here, blogging and watching this dreck.

– Vanek gets helped into the endboards and reaches up and punches Ruutu in the snout. Go Vanek!

– WHOO! Sekera scores from just inside the faceoff dot to make it 2-1, Sabres. A goal is definitely helping his case to stay in the lineup. And it appears to have re-energized the crowd as well. It had gotten entirely too quiet in the arena.

– WHOOOOO! I’m not even done typing the above point when Timmy rips a nice shot top shelf. We got ourselves a hockey game again. 2-2, tie. Here’s hoping they don’t go for this “let’s play for overtime” nonsesnse that everyone seems so fond of.

– Kelly gets in on a breakaway on Miller and Miller stops it, but his stick goes flying. As Rob Ray reports, Miller’s response is to make himself look big in the crease by laying down and stacking the pads.

– With the news that Mike Komisarek is out for the year (and therefore out of the Olympics for Team USA), is it too late to try and convince the powers that be at USA Hockey that either Goose or Timmy play defense? I’m sure they can work on their backwards skating skills and other good, solid defensive hockey maneuvers.

– Son of a…Alfredsson was camped along the right side of Miller’s net, standing there completely untouched, unnoticed and wide effing open. 3-2, Sens.

– And Alfredsson puts it into the empty net. 4-2, Sens.


– I just read a blog post where the author repeatedly used the word “jester” when she wanted to use “gesture.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard of those words being mixed up before, and now I feel like my brain is broken.

– I cannot understand why it is so difficult for the Sabres to beat the Senators. Do they have a mental block? Need therapy? Positive reinforcement? Negative reinforcement? A nap? A bag skate? If they can figure it out, they’d make a lot of people very happy.


Sabres vs. Capitals – 12.23.09

December 23, 2009

First Period

– Just shy of a minute and a half into the game, Backstrom rips a shot past Miller. Please don’t let this be one of those nights. 1-0, Caps.

– If you’ve been a longtime reader of this blog, you’ve picked up on my affinity for reality TV. Last night, I was watching 18 Kids and Counting on TLC. The family visited a Predators game in Nashville, got to enjoy the game from a suite, play some on-ice intermission activities, and ride the Zamboni. (I’m jealous on that last one.) I do have to scold TLC for a misleading pop-up during the show. The pop-up said that the 18 kids constitute an entire NHL roster. Not quite. They seem to be forgetting the two goalies and 2-3 press box residents currently on most NHL rosters.

– Green rips a shot from just inside the blue line that deflects off Roy-Z’s shaft (that’s what she said) and over Miller’s shoulder into the net. 2-0, Caps.

– Nerd alert: when I hear the last name of the Caps’ Erskine, I’m reminded of former White House Chief of Staff Erskine Bowles.

– Tonight’s game features the #1 and #2 face off guys in the league in Gaustad and Steckel. Bucky’s column from today’s paper shares some further insights into Gaustad’s face off development, and how he’s helping Kennedy come along on draws.

– Why are there cowbells (I think they’re cowbells) at a Caps game?

– Why is there a gentleman dressed like an Apollo astronaut in the stands? I see dressing in costume has become a thing now at hockey games. What’s wrong with just putting on a sweater and attending dressed as a normal human being?

Second Period

– After one period, Gaustad and Ellis are a combined 11/12 on face offs. Now if their teammates could just take advantage of those wins…

– If you didn’t see the game tonight, I urge you to check for the Drew Stafford Festivus video. You will not be disappointed. Kadooz to Stafford for keeping a straight face throughout the whole thing and to his teammates for having such impeccable coming timing. About the only way it could have been improved was if the airing of grievances was towards his teammates instead of his sticks. And on a shallow note, Staffy could definitely exhibit at the gun show. Who knew he was so ripped?

– I think Lindy is going to hurt himself tonight with how hard he is frowning.

– Stafford gets in all alone on the goalie and gets called for goaltender interference after accidentally bumping into the Washington goalie. Upon further review, the goalie appears to have initiated the contact, but Stafford gets called for the penalty. I’d like to air a grievance about that.

– WHOOO! Goose steps up to the “fuckthisshit” plate and puts the puck in the Washington net, glove side. After his goal, he was all “yeah boys, let’s do this,” at least if my lip reading is up to snuff. 2-1, Caps.

– No whoo. Morrison makes a nifty between the legs shot up and over a down Miller to make it 3-1, Caps. I can appreciate the prettiness of the goal even if it does put my darlings further in the hole.

– WHOOO! Montador rips a shot from the point and Timmy tips it past the goaltender. 3-2, Caps.

– RJ and Harry are in fine form tonight, as RJ is lambasting Harry and the rest of the crew for not getting him any Christmas presents. I guess the Caps radio guy gave him a Hersheys Kiss filled candy cane, and that’s what started the whole rant. Harry replied that his excuse was that his present contained liquids that aren’t allowed in the pressbox.

– That period was significantly better than the pile of puke that was the first period. Can they improve in the third?

Third Period

– Roy gets a nice point blank shot in on the Washington goalie, but he’s denied a goal.

– Finally, one of the Sabres steps up when a Cap or five gets in too close on Miller. Rivet exchanged some holiday greetings with one or two of the Caps before the refs stepped in.

– Gaustad gets called for tripping while Rivet is still in the box. Yay, a 5-on-3 for almost a minute. This will probably not end well for the Sabres. And I called it. Backstrom scores from close range to make it 4-2, Caps.

– Oh joy, oh bliss. Ovie8/Gr8/Grape Ape scores to make it 5-2, Caps. This is a FANTASTIC game. I still cannot believe that Ovie has a license plate with the tag Gr8. That’s like borderline douche-y and attention whore-y.

– I want to thank the Sabres for the lump of coal they gave their fans for Christmas tonight. I hope the Ottawa game on Friday is better. Like, seriously better. Or there will be some serious grievance airing on Friday.


10 Years

June 19, 2009

10 years ago today and it still bleepin sucks.

I’m feeling old. When this happened, I was fresh off my graduation from HAA and looking forward to starting Canisius that fall. Now, I’ve been out of college for 6 years and working at a job that I love with people that I adore (even when they’re driving me nucking futs).

10 years, and the closest we’ve come to Stanley since then was the EC Finals. That’s progress, eh?